Sunday, April 28, 2019

Marriage Memoirs

                   I dont remember when i might have written it, Perhaps before year 2000. or did i even write it? All though style of sarcasm has my signature writing style all over. i happen to find it while i was browsing my old mails to kill time on lazy sunday. i dont even think now i have same sense of humour in me now. whatever...enjoy madi

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Well ., Mayan calendar was right and so were all those soothsayers from depths of history who foresaw the End of World by 2012. The signs are clear and too big to miss .  Scandals, war, terrorism, natural disasters,  falling water tables, rising crime ,corruption,cyclones etc etc and latest entry to this list of natural and manmade disaster is MY MARRIAGE.

Yeah, you read it right.Its my personal Armageddon, judgement day., customized End of (my happy)days has begin. Count down to carnage has started.My horoscope  became infested with all negative alignment of stars and planets thus threatening my Single hood lovely bachelorhood.


I thought Parental love is purest of all and is unconditional just like my eternal love for literature, nature, dosas and all those lovely things in life. But with my natural super sharp intuitive Sherlock holmes brains , I have discovered an international plot in active cooperation with CIA,MI6 and our own RAW that my own parents have made contract with dark forces from Hogwarts to end my bachelorhood status permanently

I never imagined even in my wildest nightmares that my freedom and bachelorhood would be chained by institution of marriage. Yes , marriage is an institution. Its mental institution worst than Arkham  where happy men are sacrificed mercilessly like goats(reminds me French revolution guillotine ). Happy Married Man is an Oxymoron. I pointed out Abdul kalam, Atal behari Vajpayee, hitler etc examples of great men because of their single status but my parents came up with examples of Einstein, napoleon, ramanajum and many more to counter my losing argument.(google certainly made yester year generations lot smarter n informative)

I guess Matrimony should be included in UN list of terrorist acts. I really wonder whats the  big difference between Military and Matrimony. In military you die once and become martyr but in matrimony , you just lead miserable death on daily basis. With black malicious gossip like me being a Gamophobic or Gay did help me in swinging the decision . moreover truth to be told, what choice have I got. With a small prayer I resigned to fate and braced to face inevitable.

This blog/letter is not an invitation to  any of you folks(esp to those who are dancing with glee and delirious happiness at sudden downfall of my luck). This is mere proof of my eccentric sign of insanity, cowardice and suicidal tendencies I suffer from and this is appeal for help In form of suggestion of good psychiatrist doctor or Plan B to my monostrous matrimony. Iam not inviting you or your families. Eternally influenced by all spy novels I read, I refuse to divulge the location of wedding as well. Its top of line top secret.

But /however/phir be/paranthu for all those who loved to hate me.,who are curious, anthropologist-sociologists (who wants to study evolution of bachelor man)etc who wants to witness my slaughter of this poor sacrificial man, they can come at their own risk. This ancient ritual is strictly for adults who are above 20, who have strong heart, as the event can be marred with ghastly incidents, marked with blood,gory and objectionable uncensored violence which could lead to retching,vomiting,trauma, and disturbed sleep for rest of lives.




I tell you in advance, as per highly placed sources in Indian and foreign intelligence , reports are that there would be no banquet at carnage scene. Hence visitors are advised to bring their own food, doctors and attorneys and ambulances.

Prequel: Mission Impossible :Matrimony Adventures

 I was ready for ultimate reality show ever Not televised on TV but nevertheless played by every unlucky man .

Match making

Match making exercise is no less dangerous than any military adventure. It requires lots of planning, strategizing ,motivation and dedication to come out alive out of this battle of wits and nerves.
I burnt midnight oil, burned candle at both ends getting ready for next day . it could be anything. Fate can make it Carnage or Garbage. Either way its only me who gets killed.
I studied all military strategies of samudragupta,Napoleon biography, chanakyas arthsashtra, General Pattons WW-2 war plan, veerappan and prabhakaran of LTTE, osama bin ladens minds..As back up plan to Plan A, I applied licence to pen pistol that james bond uses and muti barrel heavy machine gun used by Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator film.
Being born paranoid, I even had back up plan for already backed up plan. ie Plan C to back Plan B which already backs up Plan A.(oh my my back is already paining)…
Any ways Ambulances, para military commandos, para emergency services from National Disaster Managemnt will be on stand by along with my attorney and insurers.

Its not attacks from behind that iam afraid but frontal attack I fear..

Ok..curtains are raised. Trumpets blare welcoming me.here I go..
After pre prepared façade of introductions and fake smiles which is as fake as their make up ., we speak face to face.

This is how the our seemingly friendly conversation went:

Me: Namaste
She: hiya
Me(hmm..to counter her English I )
Me: can I ask u few questions
She: ofcourse
Me: Can u cook Dosas?...atleast 25 varities of dosas that can rival local udupi hotels sweaty chef?..do you know where dosas are born?...ever thought to make gastro- piligrimage to such places??..are u aware that “journey to mens heart is through his tummy” and importantly cheating not allowed and Google strictly not allowed.
…there was strict silence from everyone. My dad and mom looked otherside and distanced themselves from my rapid fire questionnaire.
She : before I answer ur questions, iwould like to ask you some questions
Me: ofcourse..i was smart even before I was born.
She: are you nuts?...how many terms have u spent in mental asylum….
Well after this..my parents never walked in those streets again.

Second was more challenging

Even before I could utter anything she shot questions like an AK47.

She : iam mega cosmopolitan and social. I have many friends . more men then women she spoke cryptically.
Me: no problem I dragged with confidence. You can freak out day in day out as long as you make sure that my break fast (25 varities of Dosa) is cooked along with snacks between lunch and dinner , not forgetting my laundry, bike washing and shoe polishing..why should I mind your pals…remaining time is all ur own time.
She: iam quite modern. I wear modern dresses. Do you mind?
Me: why would I ..as long as your dad is buying you all those hanky sized dresses and shoes
She: I love candle lit dinners esp on weekends
Me: well ..so do I ..it saves power bills..n what more , you need not apply make up ..n u cant see me if iam really eating ur hand made food or emptying it in dustbin
She: she looked queerly and explained me what candle lit dinners meant in her context..eating out in restaurant ..that too every weekend.
Me: wow ..surely,,,,as long as we go dutch


Well…I need not tell u what  are the results of this as well


Friday, April 26, 2019

Ravings and Rants


My Rants

Finally elections dust has settled. All the roar of campaigning has died and roads and skyline are free from political colourful flags, posters and other stuff. During elections I had a runoff with media guy who was behaving nothing short of rowdy on road which made me think on media in recent times. Thus this blog is about 3 such topics that I feel strongly opinionated. If I am wrong, feel free to correct me, I am no prisoner of my own opinions and Iam open to change.

On Paramahamsa Nityananda : Iam always obsessed anything dealing with spy-spirituality, Esoteric-Exotic. In this manner I happen to read books by Nityananda. Trust me , at that age (I was in early 20s) I found them awesome and subsequently I was totally hooked on. Later one day when I was in library, my friend comes rushing to me and says “Do you know, Nityananda was caught on cam with a lady” . I guess he was expecting me to be surprised or go into shock or feel embarrassed of my association with Nityananda works & teachings. I still remember how I reacted. I just continued to read newspapers with no reactions. Later on I did watch the video of sting did by Tamil channel and totally ignored it.

Paramahamsa Nityananda was youngest saint who literally had world at his feet due to his profound yet simple spiritual satsangs. His books and videos touched millions in world. However the video with popular actress led to his downfall.

Many disciples of his left the Ashram, felt betrayed by Nityananda, his ashram was raided, members abused and mocked by society is what I read. I just didn’t bother. My friends as well wanted to know my reaction or take on it or try to embarrass me. But it hardly mattered to me. For I never cared for worlds reactions or opinions. My reply was simple: His books worked for me. Period! Now I don’t care what/who author is or what his character is. Now did you ever discard currency note because its spoilt or soiled or burnt it down if it changed hands by a criminal? Definitely No! You look for notes value rather than its past or no of hands it changed. Its entire history is immaterial. Only how you plan to spend and its value is vital for you.

Same with Nityananda. It hardly matters what he does behind closed doors.  Moreover why should I consider there is something wrong when we see Swamijis involved in physical intimacy? None of Saptarishis or great sages mentioned in ancient texts were celibate or unmarried. Polyandry, Polygamy,Premarital sex, single mothers etc were quite norm and never was a taboo. Its often it’s our expectations we force on Masters. If all accusation on Nityananda is true, howcome he is still free. Never arrested or jailed or convicted. I don’t know. I don’t care. Without raking ‘whataboutsim’ I wonder why media ever exposed sexual abuse that happens in churches and madarasas?

“Seek the truth and truth shall set you free”

On Media/Journalism: 

Well this is the main topic I really feel very strongly. I really respect journalism which stood for search of truth and went to great extent to bring the truth out. Tyrants have fallen, Dictatorial Regimes were changed, common man found his voice against might bureaucracy. Single photograph of vulture next to bony baby in Africa led world to focus on poverty in Africa etc. I can go on .  But on other hand there is another face of journalism that involve in cheap journalism, sensationalism, extortion, power broking, paid news, mouth piece of politicians to further their agenda. The syndrome of breaking news and exclusive news led total fall of values. I wonder what was intent when spycam was inserted into door knobs ? Truth or Voyeurism or blackmail or all three? I don’t know. But I personally saw beat reporters behave boorishly like hooligans. Arnab Goswami was sterling example of high values of journalism. He raised his voice against communalism, arrogance of high & mighty. But he also fell from high pedestal when he started Republic TV channel. He became out and out pro BJP, and his talk shows were battle ground for high decibel debates which yielded only noise but less substance. News now have back ground music. Why ? Can’t it be read in neutral tone and let audience conclude? But now music is more to build gravity and set tone and mood of news that is read.

Hardest fall of my life when my heart broke- part1

 Part 2 I will write on how it all started. This, part 1, my emotional tornado when my relationship ended two days ago. Other day I had my...