I wonder what if life we live is nothing but a illusion. Self created delusion? Maybe life is too big and incomprehensible. Maybe human mind finds unknown scary hence it builds contraptions like society or marks nodes/milestones to mark/keep sanity. Nature abhors vacuum, so does human. We construct so many social systems and call it societal conventions to govern human life. Any deviation is termed either break-through or attacked upon. We let clock define our days and nights. We have nodes of habits at various times of a day. Wake up at particular hour, eat n sleep at another. Work in between. Similarly we have nodes on our time on earth. Education- Marriage-Kids-Retirement at preset time periods. Any deviation, either you are prodigy , visionary or anarchist or failure. Who sets all these rules?

Society? Society is the name we give to our

fears. Conventions are what stop us from exploring beyond . We invented nodes like Time,Calender ,n other  convention to reduce unfathomable life to human level. We make ourself hopelessly busy with vagaries of life to avoid The Life. Busy with work. Busy with holiday.

Now what if all these nodes dont exist? What if Yesterday-  Today-Tomorrow or Ceiling-Floor dont exist? Will we be Soaring in endless bliss or caught in state of perpetual confused limbo?

What is time? Your Time need not be my Time. My one day can mean one full life of some insect. Dogs grow into adulthood in 2-3 years and Humans take 20 yrs. Simple astrophysics says light emitted by stars we see are years old. That star has emitted light and we might've taken an month or year to see it. So star lights future is our present experience. What if star imploded and died. Yet after its death we see it as present coz of time taken for light beam to reach us. Past  (light reaching us) Present (we are seeing now)Future  (from stars view the beam is future event). Hence Past Present and Future existing in single moment.

Questioning again. What ? What if you are experiencing what you believe but not reality? You can see rope and believe it as snake which becomes your reality. Entire body-mind chemistry  (Adrenaline, Excitement etc) gets into gear on your belief of truth. Not necessarily The Truth. Maybe entire world is just a dream and we need to wake up like in film Matrix.! But again did you ever ask your self where does the dream begin. Its always in the middle (line from Inception) . 

Above blog inspired from my boredom and finds resonance from films like Inception n Interstellar and Matrix .

When Death Comes Knocking

“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect”

--Margaret Mitchell

March 20 was my birthday and that was the day i finished book on Death and Dying. On my Birth anniversary I was reading book on Death and ruminating on it. Ironic!

First time i heard of the book "When Breath Becomes Air” was in one of doctor youtube speech. I was skeptical in reading biographies either on doctors or death as i was more into thrillers and other genres. But something compelled me to buy that book. First few pages of book was routine life of author and nothing exciting nor enticing for my soul that always craved paradoxical contrary  elements of Adrenaline rush and Blissful Calmness.

Every birthday reminds me of my own mortality and that’s scary. I think, though not sure, keeping our self very busy with family and profession, not thinking mortal nature of our bodies and magically believing that we live forever and expert fully ignoring that from the moment we are born, no matter what path-profession we choose, ultimately we all share only one destination : Grave!. It’s just another matter whether we joyfully walk or cribbing, but walk we must.  There is no choice.

Coming back to book….

 “Breath becomes Air” is simple autobiography of talented 36 year  Neurosurgeon from Stanford who finds he has lung cancer. Book chronicles his journey battling cancer and eventually dies before he completes his memoir. Author philosophies death and describes vividly the process of cancer gnawing away his life. Paradoxically his wife would be in advanced stage of pregnancy. So as his life ebbs away from this world , another life, his daughter, is entering into the world.

As the author being a Neurosurgeon, book is replete with functioning of mind and its intricacies. Its amazing to know how complex human mind is like he describes a case where 8 year adorable kid turns into monster coz of hypothalamus malfunction. It seems just one “mm” inflammation in his hypothalamus made boy suffer from bursts of anger and excessive appetite. He started eating nonstop, hurting people around, becomes obese and finally ends up in asylum. All because of that one crucial millimeter.(FYI Hypothalamus in brain controls sex, food drive among other important functions.) Some brain malfunctions (Gerstmann syndrome) we read end up human ability to read or see or slurry voice or basic math or even wipe out memories. During one such operation he writes how as little pressure at spot in brain made patient immensely sad. Sad,for no reason.Now this, I wonder if our happiness and sadness we experience in this world is result of inner chemicals or outer events or both?

Author philosophically describes his medical practice as student when he first cuts open a dead body in following way which was quite impactful

"Cadaver dissection epitomizes transformation of respected student into arrogant doctor. You practise CPR on plastic mannequins. The mannequins you pretend are real; the cadavers you pretend are fake. In anatomy lab, we objectified the dead, reducing them to organs, tissues, nerves and muscles. On first day , you cant deny the humanity of corpse. But by time you skinned the limbs, sliced through inconvenient muscles, pulled out the lungs, cut open the heart, remove liver, it was hard to recognise this pile of tissue as  human."

We get to know so many words from medical jargon , understand doctor mindset,  doctor's dilemma when to make some difficult choices that involves life and death , where difference between tragedy and triumph was defined by 1 or 2 millimetres.

 "

Throughout his career, he plays the role of confident doctor and views world from commanding position of doctor but finally ends up as patient in the same hospital he operated his patients.  On his death bed, he gets dealt by medical intensivists, nephrologists, gastroenterologists, endocrinologist, oncologists, thoracic oncologists, and otolaryngologists etc who all humorously disagree with each other in treating him

Fragility of human life! Life can be utterly unfair. Healthy people can fall victim to deadly cancer. Heavy drunkard/ smokers can go on to live healthy life with no complications. Author Kushwant singh drank every day died at 99 with natural causes but BKS.Iyengar Yoga exponent who led healthy lifestyle died due to heartstroke at 98.

 “The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing. You try to figure out what matters to you, and then you keep figuring it out. It felt like someone had taken away my credit card and I was having to learn how to budget. You may decide you want to spend your time working as a neurosurgeon, but two months later, you may feel differently. Two months after that, you may want to learn to play the saxophone or devote yourself to the church. Death may be a one-time event, but living with terminal illness is a process.”― Paul Kalanithi, When Breath Becomes Air

I connect to book in some matters like, in advanced stage of cancer, his physical strength diminishes to extent he couldnt even lift glass, couldnt even sit without backrest for more than an hour. His physical ambitions like climbing mountains or run a marathon, now reduced to stand on his own with no support, just gain some strength. His own past, being top doctor reduced to weak patient being wheelchaired around by his father and wife brings him painful memory. 

Though i didnt die but i remember when i faced it couple of years ago. Lifting tumbler required both hands and would fall after few minutes. In peak condition i used to jog miles uphill but during my sickness taking 3-4 steps proved great challenge. Facing death realigns our world perspective. All unessential identities we gather on rat race in world will drop like dry leaves. Suddenly simplest things like feeling taste, pangs of hunger, few walking steps, clear vision etc give great happiness and hope. Gone are the days you dream Marathon, Scale mountain, vie for top position, buy new car etc etc. All gone like wisps of mist leaving basic survival a great challenge to scale.  Fear- Frustration- Denial -Anger finally Acceptance and resignation to fate.  

 “Science may provide the most useful way to organize empirical, reproducible data, but its power to do so is predicated on its inability to grasp the most central aspects of human life: hope, fear, love, hate, beauty, envy, honor, weakness, striving, suffering, virtue.” 

― Paul Kalanithi, When Breath Becomes Air

Michael Schumacher who lived on super fast lane flirted with death all through his F1 driving career but when was he injured? Crashing into coma while snowboarding!!  Life can be dangerously deceptive lulling you into false sense of security 

Finally in the end of the book, author's wife completes the book after his death when he removes his life support and slips into eternal sleep of death. 

Book leaves you insipid after-taste with mixed feel of sadness and deep introspection. Death gains centre stage as we question basic fundamental laws of life and death. Book definitely made me slow my life and look around questioning what and what not are really important. Life can be utterly fickle and fragile! Isn’t it?

DIGITAL DETOX

DIGITAL DETOXIFICATION

For long I contemplated how much time I spent on Social media (SM) and internet doing all things that are of no concern to me. First thing at the dawn and last thing I do before I sleep is indulge in unproductive SM. Watching tons of idle chat conversations in multiple groups though I don’t participate in, watch photos of people whom I ve no idea of, read news and gossip which are in consequential. All this net addiction multiplied with introduction of Reliance Jio free data. Though not in this backdrop, but one fine day I just deleted all my SM; multiple whatsapp and multiple fb accounts on smartphone, movies and junk on laptop.

See the techno-obsessive-addicts around you. Ear plugs to ears have become extension of human body, people always walking with heads bowed looking into phones, sitting in parks/benches/McD/airports etc all time drowned into their electronic gadgets or Selfie obsessed humanity. First it’s just cell phone, later came ear plugs, soon dual sims and secondary phones , then power banks. Other day I almost crashed into IDIOT who was crossing the road with earplugs and gazing into his smartphone.

Now with phone internet data switched off I switched to basic analog Samsung guru phone. These following are my observations or self discoveries.

1)   Now all in a sudden your pockets become lighter with one basic model puny phone. And smart phone loses its smartness. Like fangless cobra, it becomes your servant, no longer your master. And what more, Phone battery lasts for full day.

2)   Before going to bed I used to tuck  phone under my pillow lest I missed something in my virtual world as I sleep. My smart phone functions now as smart alarm. So almost each and every day for last 30 days I woke up between 4am-5am.

3)   With no constant tiny beeps assaulting you dangerously all time reminding some update on SM, you find lot of time at your disposal. With continuous data streaming comes with stress of mood swings. Now my pal puts something on military-spy-foreign affair I tend to get excited, if its Modi vs Manmohan, Sanghis vs Congis, Army vs anti national politics; all ends up in anger, some lovely face generating love and passion. Looking into other people lives, wondering how many liked or disliked my upload or whom I wanna like etc etc clogging my own mind. No matter what reaction my mind generated, be it good or bad, it made me compulsively to react or respond. Either way mind went for a toss. Whatever, with no nonstop stimuli, I found so much space and serenity.

4)   I belong to probably last generation who existed before technology took over our lives. I belong to that generation who lived while planet earth was in transition from Analogue to Digital. When humans spent more in Real world than virtual. With absence of smart phone, I magically rediscovered lots of empty space around me as if I deleted tons of clutter from my mind. It gave me clutter free mind by not involving in instant news and constant drama around the world.

5)    I loved every moment though initially mind rebelled and suffered withdrawal symptoms. Compulsively I used to check my phone or switch on the data but to no avail as I already deleted (not deactivated) the entire SM connectivity. Mind came up with many excuses like what about official communication? What about important messages? What about other useful things that I derive from SM. Well, first thing I brought entire official communications into basic model phone and logged on that number from Tablet which I never carry. In my line of work, we seldom use SM for communication, hence the very rare occasional message comes through texts. And I wondered how many of my so called loved ones would notice my absence. Unfortunately none! Great realization, thinking I used to spend so much time in pampering, praising, pleasing my so called loved ones.

6)   What did I do with new found mental freedom and clutter/stress free time? Well, first clutter free mind was so peaceful that I believe I spent last 30 days very productively. I woke up almost every day at 4 -5am, was able to improve my yoga, concentration and meditation greatly (Remember now my mind is clutter free), read tons of books. Earlier for every one page I read, I would spend 10minutes on whatsapp which eventually eat away hours in a day. I bought many books, downloaded almost every week a new book on kindle. The best book I read was on Russian Propaganda techniques (I would definitely dedicate one full blog on this mind blowing book.), Biographies of Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw (all valour of old soldier),Director Ramgopal varma (really interesting philosophies’),Kishanji (Naxal), Hitler body guard stories, The Seige (26/11 terror attacks), ,Buddha in brothel (only fiction book I bought) and other spiritual books..phew, some still going on.

7)   Now after 30 day period, I reactivated my whatsapp and fb. Suddenly there was flood on whatsapp and fb msgs over missed bdays and updates. I found I hardly missed anything important. But whats the first whatsapp message I find? RGV with Mia Malkova…hahaha

League Of Extra ordinary Gentlemen - Season IV

 Brother Re Discovered..!!!

This blog is part of Extraordinary gentlemen series where I talk on most wonderful people I come across. Here I talk on Akhil Ramaswamy-The Warrior-Saint, Junior by Rank but Super Senior by Intelligence and Empathy. He is one wonderful guy with brilliant personality. Anyone interacting with him wonders why hasn’t he yet dazzled the world yet? Maybe his time is yet to come in bigger scheme of things but no one disputes one day (or one life?) he would definitely dazzle. His soul is mixture of all varnas viz Brahman, Kshatriya , Vysya and Shudra. Here iam not being casteist or consider one caste is superior or inferior to other. We are talking about Akhil not Castes. In him we find all Caste qualities in highest expression like , he is born in Brahmin family, leads like Kshatriya, thinks like Vysya on trade and works like Shudra for realization of his goals.

Myself with Akhil under Floral canopy

Coming back to Akhil, he is one helluva guy who was able to inspired whole lot of people to Dream big!&, Earn more! And with his highly contagious personality I saw him influencing people in droves. He radiates “Can-Do” spirit (and he does it) and his steely will is out there in open to inspires likes like me. I saw him fight for justice on streets or what he believes is right, reminding me Amitabh Bachan dialogue in Sarkar film “Merko jo sahi lagtha hai, Woh Kartha hu!!”

Unlike me, who is sneaky and cunning who always checks the direction of wind before I act, he believes in principles and definitely not a fence sitter. But in my opinion what really made me look up to him was the manner he aids people and when he helped me when I fell sick. Something not many would do. That single act in my opinion made his reputation and respect fly sky high which has no hopes of seeing ground anytime soon.

Bible truthfully says that everyone is sinner. Everyone is confluence of good and bad. Similarly he might have his share of detractors. Iam no naive not to see potholes but there are people whom we always prefer to stand by even if things go for a toss, isn’t it?   Here I am pointing to his Forte that I saw, not Foibles that I choose to ignore. I ve many wonderful friends (actually very few). As I progress on this blog, a question arises. What if so called wonderful friend of mine does something outrageous or sinful, Will I stand by him? Hmmm…dangerously tricky question as I prefer to stand by my dharma and let karma take its own course. Like Karna stood by Duryodhana in Mahabaratha despite Karna knowing his destruction is inevitable, I will back my friends till I am indebted to them. But again Bible says “Who has seen Tomorrow” When President Nixon was told about murders perpetuated by Zia ul haq( Pakistan dictator in 70s), Apparently Nixon told to Kissinger “Yes, He is a Bastard, but he is our bastard!!” well, that sums up things.

King of Capital Markets

He is one guy, though now very anonymous but whom I definitively consider as  my hero whom should Dhana-Dhairya-Ashta Lakshmi should be embraced at all times and have peace in his heart. He is the Brother many prefers to have and few blessed lucky souls to actually have. 

Chalo readers, thanks for your patience in reading , till i find another extraordinary soul, Hastalavista!!

Happy New Year

Year is not ending. Your life is..!

Two ways of seeing it :  Feel awe that you made it so far (many arent that lucky, two of my school mates commited suicide and my batchmate martyred) or Feel frightened that wax in your life candle is melting faster than polar caps due to global warming.

And why do people  make such big thing about New year. Its just like any other day. Sun doesnt shine brighter nor moon glows more nor govt gives tax breaks nor someone gifts me a merc. Only people who profit are restaurants n bars n clubs n alcohol shops. Nothing changes.  One can do party n dance anyday except if u wanna shell more money on New year's eve. Morever you dont need special day or wait entire 365 days to celebrate.?

People who say "New year-New life-New resolutions". Dude, no single day since earth was created was same as previous day or even previous moment. Every day/moment was new day. And a Opportunity to Succeed or Screw it up. Or atleast make effort to rise

If you wonder what i do on new year Dec 31 or Jan01?. It would be same as any day.


" Eat-Read-Sleep"

BREAKING LIMITATIONS-(RANDOM THOUGHTS)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Well, its been ages since I blogged. Maybe last time I blogged was when Dinosaurs dominated landscape. I ve been quite occupied with my day job that several  of my side obsessions have been pushed to remote corner of globe …maybe as remote as Madagascar or Mongolia or Siberian gulags (Wonder how many heard of Madagascar till film had that title.) Here I write some thoughts that randomly hit my mental screen. Hope you enjoy it.

#Thinking Big:

One of my friend recently was telling me that Reliance JIO investment was 2 lakh crore! That set me thinking. Lakh has 5 zeros & crore has 7 zeros. That means 2 lakh crore means 2,000,000,000,000 /-....

I cant even imagine such a huge amount, forget the part doing business with such monstrous amount.  What possible Gigantic mindset must Ambanis must be possessing that makes them think so big and act so big and audacious? ...and where are we?...can we even think so Big? How about Jio's impact which added a new customer every second? it changed entire nations habits. it revolutionized how we communicate forever. Indian Telecom age can be divided Pre Jio and Post Jio.  

#Thinking Different:

Next, i was reading about Elon musk, man who sees future coming with SpaceX, Electrical transportation, hyper loops. He is revolutionizing world we are living. He is dreaming London to New york transport complete in half an

hour(Crossing Atlantic in half an hour).

There, for him, seem no limitations for his imagination and word impossible doesn’t exist even in remotest sense. The very minimum bench mark they have is something like skies for mere mortals like me.

# Thinking Creative:

Have you folks seen films like Interstellar, Inception , Memento, Lucy, Matrix ? All these Sci-Fi films challenge intellect. Its sheer wonder how writers of films and director ever come with such grand creative ideas?. And on other hand , even we challenge intellect when bollywood churn same routine masala love story films in tons and tons and never get bored. Interstellar had lots of emotions yet had such a strong plot. Memento was loop with no beginning or end same as Inception. (Gazini being its BPL cousin off Urban Memento), Lucy and Matrix had ancient yogic shades yet firangs were better exploiting our ideas than ourselves (Remember, Gandhi was made by Attenbourgh and Matrix had Sanskrit sloka as rock song in credits)

What makes Ambanis, Elon musk or Abdul kalam or Christopher Nolan so different that Gods of wealth and fame embrace them? Even they are humans like any of us yet they are way superior. Its sheer amazing!! That might be magic of thinking big..Very Big!! Very different and Creative!!

Here we are worried about daily humdrum and bicker about tiny things when these are trying to break the frontiers andThese same people who have ability to see beyond their lifetimes, who are audacious to have vision beyond human capacities. Well, should that inspires us or terrify us? The common mortals!!

 Some thing worth pondering!!! isnt it ?

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE (NDE)

(Dedicated to my “Older-Self”  which I gave up as snake sheds its skin)

I want to ask one question. How many thought over their deaths especially when in prime of their lives. Not to those who crossed 50 or in 80s . When drowned in zest of full life how will life become if that person comes to know that he will die soon? People say when death stares at you, entire life flashes by! How many can take death calmly. People of Socrates or closer home, Bhagat singh happily embraced death in full awareness. Here iam talking about aam admi.

Topic of death or dying is taboo in our societies. Always hoping it’s the other person who will die. Deep down we feel we are eternal though we know it’s otherwise. Death is great equalizer. Very Democratic and Impartial . Rich or poor! Healthy or sick! Indian or Pakistani.! Celebrity or Cheap chap!!  Ultimately everyone has to take one way ticket to grave. No one is spared. Everyone wants to go heaven but ironically no one prefers to die.

I was strong and Able . Agile as reed and strong willed as stone! Fountain of unending reservoirs of energy, Love and zest for life n unconquerable spirit. Like anyone else even I thought iam immortal and will live forever until one fine day, I just collapsed. Without going into finer details like whys and how n where when etc, lemme come to post event. I collapsed and in between for few moments I opened my eyes and I remember seeing chopper rotors above me as my ears catch Chop chop sound of those rotors. That’s the last memory. When I opened my eyes I found myself really fresh as if I woke from deep blissful sleep and I find multiple tubes passing through nerves; oxygen tube, IV drip, and other medical tech . Suddenly I see nurses getting ecstatic, everyone calling my name. (I was thoughtless to wonder why they were screaming). They shoot questions in frenzy, do you know where iam ?, how I came? etc etc .( They were ecstatic as I was back from dead in their opinion)

 I didn’t remember anything.  Absolutely anything!

 Friendly nurses, colleagues, friends say that I was in coma for last 2-3 days and I was almost dead and its sheer miracle that iam alive. “Its second chance God has given”.etc etc unending verbiage .

I wasnt either grateful nor thankful as I was yet to comprehend what’s happening or going on. I was just too numb. No feelings at all. No Emotions. Just utterly dazed. Too much steroids made my mental faculties incapable and hopelessly confused. There was total time lapse and judgmental loss.

 I could notice there was massive psychological shift within me. I was no longer my older self. What all education/opinions/views collected over a period of time got totally erased. All good and bad in my mind got wiped out. I was like, back to factory settings. Back to basic primitive features iam born with. Almost like I reversed evolutionary process and I am back to caveman mental standards. Physically I am totally reduced to bone but that I knew could be regained. But I was surprised how my mind functioned. All my ideals vanished. All ideals and hobbies just vanished.( I am incurable bibliophile but post hospital, I completely stopped reading for an year). I was hyper cheerful and very friendly but later I became snob and crude with incontrollable temper (all loved ones suffered bcoz of this, but again, I don’t regret it)

This really set me wondering. Maybe this is what might happens when u die. Your entire data would be wiped out from ur soul. Maybe or may not be.

I remembered one video I saw some time ago. A muslim man falls into tiger enclosure in delhi. (You tube it, iam not gonna paste the link.)  And tiger corners him and what he does is heart breaking. He keeps pleading and begging tiger to spare him. He keeps offering namastes in sorrowful manner.  What follows was that tiger holds him by neck and takes him over. Wondered what could have gone through him. His entire mind must have gone blank..zero…zilch... He must have lost everything. Given up hope ! forgotten his own religion (he was doing Namaste to tiger), probably even he must have forgotten his gender. He was reduced to mere what we can say “Life..piece of life!!” . Not male or female or rich or poor or hindu or muslim etc) all his borrowed identities must have got erased. Only his LIFE existed and that too under threat , soon to get blown off.

Well coming back to my NDE, Its been exactly an year since this event happened. It’s almost like yesterday.. My uncontrollable blazing red rage came down back to normal. Can’t say iam as agile and strong as I was. Certainly there was fundamental shift deep in me. I can’t say I am the same person again. Like seed breaks earth to sprout , a new personality broke out from my older self. Somehow i am not able to bring myself to read any fiction genre anymore. Somehow I am rooted to Reality more , that fiction pales intensely in comparison to Reality. My moral compass has become more flexible and I became more relaxed devoid of baggage of memory or morals. Iam no longer able to play superfluous roles society created for mankind. I find it silly and artificial.

Looking back I don’t claim iam lucky or iam I happy or sad that I am alive ( as most of my dreams are fulfilled and i became incapable to look back) . But it definitely gave me a perspective and a sneak peek into deep life and myself.. I got sense of my mortality and consequently Identities and bonding got loosened ..sticky identities we so fanatically tend to carry on.  And funnily knee ache (remnant of delhi minor accident) that I bore for last 3 years mysteriously healed and it reminded me of prediction I laughed at by some amateur astrologer 4 years ago who said I wud touch death and return.

Well iam writing this blog as reminder lest it escapes my already loosened memory ….!!!!!

TEETLE TALES OF INTOXICATION FROM DESI DARU TO VIDESI SCOTCH

This blog was written around decade ago..but somehow delayed in going online due to myriad reasons that includes hormonal surges to Demonetization to surgical strikes to other censored reasons n excuses. Dedicated to "Guru of my Daru" Senior


TALES OF INTOXICATION FROM DESI DARU TO VIDESI SCOTCH 

 This blog is dedicated to a man who is 75 percent pure cranial grey cells+20 percent of alcohol( vodka+beer+tequila in varied proportions each fighting for monopoly)+2.5percent hydi biriyani +2.5 percent paunch(Let us call him TEETLE, not turtle, its teetle, the dot on ‘I’) Now tat acc 100% but we should another c another 99% of him with another equally awesome gal(let us call her SRAVZ) who is as well practicing wife of this guy physically and 1% by hyper voluptuous femme fatale(let us call her PC ) who dominates his imagination 24/7…now I guess this is how maths and myths works in love 

 Now this Man …The machine… Our relation goes back to Jurassic era where senior barbarians taught their juniors everything about survival from dinosaurs that dot the topography, including hunting mates in jungle and other rigmarole . Here our Jurassic park was cbit engg college where u get find antiquated brains n nerds and people like TEETLE and myself each out doing and showing off our Artificial intelligence in Natural settings. Here is where he was my senior ..senior in all sorts(except in height ;))     Back in college I was famed fer my purity and absolute abstinence from all aerated and hot drinks esp in college where there is more alcohol than water, now maintaining purity in midst drinking hordes is no joke.(I guess I was more into Woman than Wine, once again its same good old voluptuous femme fatale PC, Senior n me his Junior sharing the same fantasy girl) Infact an unofficial bet that ran amongst “ Professional college Pro Drunkards Association” was to get me drink by hook or crook. No one won the bet till date in college. The reason was simple.i was more into woman than wine. 

Myself With Overrated Underestimated Sri Sri Guruji

This is where again where our interests converged where good old voluptuous femme fatale was centre of undivided attention to both of our minds ..here s where I scored a point over him. I have her phone number, email id and she has my phone no, and home address given to her bulky All body-Zero brains boyfriend. With her bulky bf coming occupying more space in her body ,mind and heart than our senior-junior jodi. I think that’s where Devdas in me rose involuntarily and my senior like any good senior , Teetle rose up to the circumstances was more accommodating to be my Chunni Lal . Like Krishna ,He used to give his sermons about Life, Wife, Knife and how all are synonymous . 

And our famous haunt used to be Blockbuster pub in secunderabad where we both used to console each other for loss of voluptuous femme fettle PC. Now with gal gone, now came glass in my hand. Now my Senior plus Chunnilal plus Krishna all rolled into one was topper in fluid mechanics and dynamics of everything fluid, no wonder he is connoisseur of bars and pubs. First he would get intoxicated only then his mastery over subject and pedagogy begins. We then start with Gandhian philosophy that India is in villages. To show how he practiced what he preached ,We shoot to outskirts liquor dens and get intoxicated with desi daru the country side cheap liqour ,this would really blast ur neurotransmitters which actually helps u to realise Darwin was right that the fact that ur born out of chimps. Next step in ideology was how man evolves .Next class on Darwins evolution will continue in pub where now we Chimps-Evolved-Homosapiens wear clothes and have nations unofficial drink of youth and masses THE BEER followed by lessons on Indo-Russian friendship by toasting vodka along with all the junk chicken(There goes my vow of being vegan ) . and this where my martial arts flexibility comes into picture where I gyrate to all latest item songs dished out by DJ but my senior keeping his age and paunch in context sticks to his seat downing another beer over haunting tunes of Hotel California , Evolution is human birth right n probably that includes us as well. So we evolved in a single night from desi daru adda to Yippy pubs and finally end in Star hotel each trying to behave like gentlemen over a Scotch. By end of his sermons on gandhian village philosphy in desi addas,darwinss evolution in pubs and star hotels…I emerge victorious.

 Hemoglobin replaced with strains of scotch. Gal out of mind. Spirits high. Purses low( His purse obviously, juniors never pay..Last time i offered to pay..he was like since when did u become so big that u will pay...so overwhelming haha) and Experiment that glass of few litres of alcohol can keep gal out of mind is grand success.Patent awaited. Teetle ready to be in race to Nobel prize That was during college days. How long can I be junior in his fluid dynamics , gandhin philosophy of scotch in pubs?..Recently we have been to 10D pub in begumpet. He lost all his curves on his stomach which appears soon to be liken 6 packs,,,over many litres of beer and few shots of teqila..i had ,my moment under the sun,,err under the disco laser lights…What Buddha got under Bodhi tree, Mahavira under sal tree., Archemidies in bath tub..My eureka moment came in 10D albeit with clothes on. I realized true freedom comes only in pubs like Blockbuster which reeks with nostalgia than suave 10-D . Blockbuster allows our raw natural wilderness to find its ultimate expression than intelligent idiotness and we display in places like 10-D . What do you say Boss..???

AFFAIRS THAT I NEVER HAD

This blog was lying mentally pregnant for more than 4 years. Deferred and delayed for multiple reasons and excuses. Now I think every story has to reach its logical end. Hence this blog.

We get meet so many people in our path. Some are like lines on water, disappear immediately, and some are scars etched on rock, and they cast long shadow in crevices of mental landscape. This blog is of such two unique individuals I happen to encounter. Russia and Bongie.  Forget the names as all names in my phone are coded and this is how I saved their names. Bongie and Russia. Someone who appealed my heart and other who challenged my brains.

[PRIOR PERMISSION HAS BEEN TAKEN FOR THIS BLOG]

To start with I am incorrigible passionate lover. Iam always in love, either with a person or event or job or book or life in general. Eternally in love. Like any other human I had my share of affairs, some successful and some damp squib. But never can I say it was boring. My quench for excitement never ceased.

I had all kinds of gfs. Millionaire gf to ordinary. Femme fatale to plain jane. Nubile to cougar. Innocent to gold digger who 4 timed. Celibate to nymphomaniac. Some are too good and benevolent and some  dangerously self destructive. Friends with benefits, North Indian to South to extreme north east. Mother theresas to Mata haris . Sometimes all rolled into one. Seen all!! Kya kare , like any piscean yeh dil tho pagal hai.

Here are two lovely souls worth mentioning who caught my 100% 24/7 attention to maximum. “Russia and Bongie”.

 Lots water passed in Thames and Ganges since I met them hence recollecting finer details is difficult , hence had to adjust whatever residue remains in my heart and head and adding dollops of fiction to make blog yash chopra like dramatic.

My Intelligence: Russia: This girl is like real mirchi. Absolute femme fatale with razor sharp intellect. She can really intimidate man with her sheer grey cells…all the time with her was like iam facing Russian chess genius. It was battle of wits .

Pure un titrated adrenaline rush I used to experience. I had to think twice before I need to lie to her as chances are very less I can actually pull it off convincingly.

How I met her? No 6 degree connection or common friends . I happen to meet her in AOL. Cant say beginning was sweet. All guys wooing her n there I lack even confidence to approach this delhi based femme fatale. Finally when I spoke, I thought ..ok, maximum one week or a month , not more… look at fate. Now its 4^th  or 5^th year n end is nowhere in sight.

She has such a Royal suave impeccable polished linguistic skills N here I am rustic crude fumbling for words (Pretty girls can either make tongue freeze or I become blabbermouth). Conversations with her was so thrilling, almost like 10,000 volts electricity running through cranial nerves. Sometimes we used talk from 5pm to 5am.Dusk to dawn. Wonder what I spoke, she is such an awesome conversationalist that she can speak on almost on any topic. There wasn’t a day we haven’t communicated.

Her humour is infectious and clacking . whats so unique about her was her eye for detail…she sees simple things in general life that seemingly ignored or forgotten . like , she screams in her trademark shrill voice “praveen I saw a post man thought they never existed any more..or tv antenna of Doordarshan days..or something like that”

Its so challenging to be on par with her.  She is like , seen all-done all. Iam like…still bookish. I had to work hard to be atleast be half good as she was. She can jog 10 kms and ride cycle 30-40 kms…well I did my best to run 5km, and just buy a bicycle.(lying in dust in my home). Every day was new day with her around. She always had something new to say. The best time I had was chatting with her at 5am lake side. Very divine and ethereal! Never I knew she looked more lovely sans makeup (till dat time I thought she was just a boy in girls body)

We share same level of madness pulsating at same frequencies of insanity. Probably she is the only person who can understand my madness.

We both share a comfort level that we can talk almost anything under the sun. she has her own mood swings. She can sulk, turning her nose to cherry red in colour. She can cry, always during vampire hours (midnight) , her tears can be acerbic that can make me run in middle of nights to Bangalore..some one teases her racially in london..here i pick a londoner in india (Tit for tat..no one messses with my pple) . she can be funny, at her hilarious best. Her voice has its own charm that can make any guy heart go jelly. I have tons of her voice recordings somewhere. All said n done , she has another life that I never took part of: “Social service”!!  

Her pictures here speak what I meant. Its amazing and iam proud of her.

My Heart: Bongie: Life was a beautiful song when I was associated with her. Good old mellifluous melodious song. Life felt sooo sweet and lovely. My name never sounded so lovely till she called me out. Listening to her smile was first thing in mornings I did and it just made by day more vibrant. I literally used to float on way to work after speaking to her. Smiling at strangers, being nice to colleagues ,for that matter, even blade of grass appeared live and ooze beauty, allowed mosquitoes to suck my blood(such a great mood I was)..This was the charm bongie did to me. Never my life was so beautiful. I began to feel younger and like college going teen I used to blush. This bongie made my life more sweeter than all rosogollass and roshomolai of bengal .

How did I meet her? Nothing short of filmy scenario. During my sabbatical wanderings, I happen to see her fb profile.

 One look at her pic, I was like..

“Coup de Forde”, (loosely translated it means hit by thunder lightening). For a moment time seemed frozen, here in front of my eyes is most innocent looking fabled beauty with almond eyes. I felt like ancient memory being woken, like life is futile if I don’t talk to this unknown magnetic  personality. What followed was making plans (I actually drew a flowchart J),drawing and re drawing strategies to come in contact with this IITian Bengali girl. I just knew, come what may, iam going to win her. I was unstoppable and drawing wits fom deepest crevices of my intelligence . And finally one day destiny swung in my favour. First contact through fb, later phone , finally culminating in flesh and blood.

When I first met her ,It was like my ancient soul finally intersected with most peaceful soul. I felt so fresh and peaceful. All zigzagging thoughts came to standstill. It was so magical. Moment that I hold so dear despite nostalgia is not my strong point. Such an earthy beauty, down to earth holding all qualities that are so contrast to mine yet I find such a deep connection with her of lifetimes.

My Soul :

Being in love is soo lovely. Life becomes suddenly poetic . At times poisoned by jealousy and inferiority complex. Now with plenty grey hairs and grey cells underneath , iam more wiser and patient.

what’s my take on love?  Well I don’t wish to be truthful as my honest view is too drastic and diametrical from world’s opinion. My soul has great clarity on this topic.I don’t think many out there will actually understand it .

Like my dear Russia whatsapped me recently “we all have unique relationship with each person and it will be personal and unique to only that person.” I guess she is right. I like to talk to some, love to trek with some other, laugh with another , cuddle with someone else…

 However iam all grateful to the Existence that I came across such a fantastic people in life. Creation is truly benevolent & magnificent.