"Duty done out of desire becomes ultimate delight"
I used to work in Govt bank. I never
liked working in bank and I also didn’t like myself. Bouts of grumpiness, irritation
over failures in past, frustrated over
wrong turns I took in life, old regrets surfaced occasionally as I lived alone.
I merely existed in bank. But that doesn’t mean, I was bad at work. I was quite
efficient & but just did what was expected from me. Not more. Its not that I
didn’t enjoy my life. I watched films, read books, tried meditation, ate good
food. Yet something in me was missing. Life was insipid, tasteless and I merely
existed. One fine day, something snapped. I just called it quits. Entire world
dissuaded me not to, considering my age. Many of friends & colleagues felt
iam crazy, total failure and some just avoided me all together. I didn’t have any job, or plan. For an year I just
travelled, prepared for govt jobs etc. one fine day , I got landed in particular line of work in Govt services. It was stroke of luck & total grace. All my
life I day dreamed this line of work. I used to watch those action films, read
voraciously on these topics, dreamed in nights. Voila!, Now it has become
reality.
Amsterdam. Pc: Rashmi
As I joined the job, I realized I was the
oldest guy in my batch. But I realized, I absorbed the subject like sponge and
craved for more. i realized that huge heavy black cloud of regret & frustration
lifted magically. In job , I felt light & energetic. I could feel energy pulsuating
through. Even insignificant act appeared wonderful, if not sacred. It might
appear mundane to world. But every moment became cause of joy & celebration.
Results never mattered somehow as I was thoroughly enjoying the process of
getting the job done. My heart became full to brim, smiles more from soul, enthusiasm
naturally radiated. Somehow others felt it too. Though I was always with same
face with no modification by any make up, now world felt I was attractive. This
was surprise to me as well. I was
learning from all other unrelated jobs & tried to inculcate in my line of
work with wonderful results. I enjoyed world to extent, many qualities like
jealousy , cribbing, anger, stress, need for appreciation, desire for
name/fame/awards/rewards etc dropped naturally and desire to learn &,
contribute more increased phenomenally. I almost stopped reading fiction books
or watching films. When life& reality itself has become more exciting then why watch
virtual make believe entertainments . Life went zen like mode.
 |
| Vizag. PC: Mallik |
When you take up job that is close to your
heart, its natural that you try to learn as much as you can from all quarters.
More we know about our trade, more clarity on work field. More clarity leads to
better decision making based on clear vision than guess work . All this end in
generating more confidence in yourself. There may or may not be chances of
earning more money or name or fame. But its definite that there is more calm
and contentment in life.
 |
| Auroville, pondicherry |
While I say this, it doesn’t mean that
things don’t go wrong. At any given point of time no human has all information
to make perfect decision. Things can go wrong. Blunders and utter failures may
rise. It could be painful but need not be suffering. Failing might lead to new
lessons, detours and redirection of our path. More experience to arsenal of
thinking. Its better fail in cause of our liking than fail in jobs based on
borrowed dreams. Of course at times, things didn’t work and I had to face ire
of seniors. But I never felt the hurt or embarrassment . I knew my efforts were
undoubtedly 100% and took their scolding as course correction or lessons for
future (at times I even jotted down) & felt I grew more wiser now. Now I began
to love myself & respect myself knowing I will go to grave with no regrets.
Doing the job you are fond of is akin to
floating while smelling sweet scent as against doing job which you have no
desire is like dragging halfdead soul-less body by hooks painfully punctured
into your skin. Quite often due to lack of enthusiasm in job gives rise to
sheer wastage of huge amounts of energy putting enormous strain on physical and
mental system. They are the ones who are always cranky and screaming kinds.
Somewhere deep inside they are hurt and bitter. Either with life or themselves.
I was there , but grace pulled me out. Perhaps I was persistent day dreamer and
universe was kind to help me out. For this gift, I bow thee.
