I surrender

 Call me fatalistic or nihilistic or Buddhist but I no longer try to control the situation or people. I began to believe that Chaos & Calmness are what human life forever will be. No matter how wealthy, resourceful & spiritual u r, uncertainty, confusions & chaos will be there.

I choose no longer to judge others in general and primarily myself in particular. If I'm born fool, so be it. Even ants r somehow surviving on this planet, even I will manage somehow.

There is no significance of any event nor I consider any person is special or The One. Life will always be chaotic with gaps filled with waiting for elusive moments of happiness. Nothing can be predictable or goes per plan. Planning works to certain extent but beyond a point, it's all uncertainty & live/act moment by moment.



There is nothing like God's plan for events occured (as religion consoles gullible )or Positive thinking or Affirmations that would change one's life (Except authors bank accounts) . All these are hooks that we hang ourself to explain inexplicable events & pegs for hoping better tomorrow.


Earth is formed from Big bang, hence so would our lives be..always bang bang..now its for me to accept Bang Bang as normal or keep perpetually fighting against it in frustration. I rather ride the waves of uncertainty & take whatever life throws at me than question why it happened or how it should have happened. Like someone said, Life under no circumstances need to follow ur desires or diktats.

U can b most kind person or honest, still bad things might come to u. This is how life was always & eventually will be. Criminal would live in mansion while honest person suffering from hunger. Person who follows healthy diet die young of chronic disease while binge eater live till old age & die peacefully.

"Life is always unfair. Get used to it" - Bill Gates

Saying that, following some rules, discipline, etc may give some satisfaction & "probable" results & some greater hope of leverage over life. But otherwise life has no meaning..I no longer control life..take whatever comes and try to make best of what possible for me and leave the rest to fate and give a damn which ever direction it goes.

Yes, saying that, there are moments of bliss , wonder & awe of life. How gigantic it is. So endless, vast that one life of human or planet or galaxies stand millionth of dust in schemes of Creation. When I see my own insignificance in this gigantic Creation, all my issues vaporize. When I realise this, my senses fall silent....I surrender ...!!!

2020: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

 

The year that was:

        Though era of corona has ushered all negative fall out, for me not all was negative. There was some good, bad and ugly. Here are few interesting takeaways. While there was global gloom & Depression doom all over, I hardly felt anything. Be it claustrophobia or depression due to lockdown and lack of social interactions. Well, that’s my daily lifestyle for decades. On contrary, Lockdown gave opportunity to sleep peacefully, read in tons,

 

THE GOOD!

        When corona struck , no news that came was good news. Economies tumbled, jobs lost, lives snuffed away, migrants crisis…all while working alone in office with most of staff doing WFH. (since I live in same building as office, I was attending it everyday). Somewhere in this time of boredom & monotony & era of corona, 1^st half of year spent in devouring books voraciously while second half entered the cupid.

Obsessive Bibilophile

        While entire world shifted to online platform and Netflix/Amazon Prime became way to kill time for most, I took to AmazonKindle. I roughly must have read more than 100 books this year (Amazon Kindle says I read 164 books. Though I doubt It or , it must have taken account of all comics and other small books of no relevance. However I definitely read 35+ big books. More on those books in other blog. Like Osho says " For me , Books are love affair". I concur. Btw on flip side, spending so much time gazing at screen also increased my eye sight.

Covid & Cupid

Many have different collections & hobbies like travelling new places or collecting things. I dont travel places. i explore people. esp interesting and unique. i always fall in love with people with passion living or striving for their dreams. i love to listen to their stories of adventure and valour. Struggle & victory etc. I always respect interesting interactions, meeting interesting people. In such pursuit, i happen to meet this person.       

 We hit off from very first moment of interaction. I was dazzled by her sheer energy & exuberance. The calls went late in night. Call it initial euphoria or her infectious electrifying engaging conversation. The cackle of her smile, rolling of her eyes, mischievous glint in her eyes. Bible says “ No one has seen tomorrow” , even I wonder what’s tomorrow or fate of this relationship. I don’t know. Considering my eccentricities & her quirkiness, I really don’t know. But nevertheless my journey on this planet definitely was enriched by her presence & interaction. Moreover This is first time I ever meeting an accomplished - hard working-army officer-entrepreneur  and lovely lady. On flip side, hilariously she remembers date & time of every faux pas of mine and arguement. (so stereotypical yet cute)

 

THE BAD

        2020 has only one theme for entire globe : CORONA VIRUS pandemic. No one escaped its wrath. Rich & poor nations, democracies & dictatorial, East & West, believers & atheists, fanatics & liberals, healthy & unhealthy…no one escaped virus onslaught. Work from Home, Lockdown, Sanitizer, Quarantine has become part of daily language while social distancing, masks , hand santisers became part of our bodies for long time to come.

Corona & Conspiracies :

Is Covid virus man made or accidental leap from animal? Did china unleash virus to dominate world? So many conspiracies feeding internet how china is now buying all American companies after they went bust on stockmarket, how Beijing witnessed less virus though its near Wuhan which is birth place of virus. Did china unleash to take over hong Kong as pro-democratic protest are on rise? Or is it do with latest 5g tech? well, so many stories and I am total conspiracy buff.

THE UGLY:

 New place: Sudden relocation brought in intense bitterness as this is my 4th in last 4 years. Despite all auto positive self suggestion, bitterness just didnt want to leave. Disappointment at fate, disagreement (should i say raging anger & loss of trust) with leadership, anger at my own self followed by intense loneliness & psychological divide & distance with my family within me following the relocation ..all bundle of tumultuous emotions giving birth to new life doctrine which i would be henceforth adapting. All positive words of encouragement by colleagues, self image boosting words from near & dear, tons of self talk from self-help books failed to smoothen the balm over my bruised psyche. However i do intend to make new place best & productive to myself. Inshallah..!!

I wonder what 2021 usher in?. To mock Gods, tell your plans. Man proposes, God disposes.....Yet man achieves. i just want to be better person to myself.

2019: The year that was...!!!

Friends! How did your 2019 fare? Good?, Bad? Ugly? Phenomenal? Mixed bag? It’s a chilly day out here and sitting alone in my flat I just happen to look back at 2019. 2019 for me personally seem to be transitional. Transitional I say as I happen to see subtle nevertheless obvious changes in me. Personally, Professionally, Spiritually etc.

Year began with lovely books

   I don’t know why these changes took place. But I believe (which I may be wrong) because of either iam getting older hence more mature such that I can see events from perspective or meditation, which I seem to have done with some regularity has given me greater clarity. Whatsoever is the reason , this year I met more number of people, read more books, meditated more, Met people whom i havent met for 5 years, More thankful & gratitude to Universe, More positive, , Ate healthy, satisfied career, led more healthy life, exercised more, relaxed and content…finally “Yeh Dil Mange More”.

             Other day my barber who lives close by , remarked:

“Sir, I never see you partying, roaming or with any social life. You eat alone, move alone, never seem to talk on films or regular gossip”.

few of many interesting books i happen to read

              Well, its not easy to be in relationship with me and I find it hard to mix with people. Its sheer torture for me to suffer others ignorance and  stupidity. Not that iam smarter or more intelligent, but so far iam more contented and I cant bear anyone’s presence (& their complaints of life) beyond half an hour. I easily get bored of anyone nor I subscribe to others philosophies . I am not introvert but very very few things excite me and most of world is not into those things. Iam more text-person than talk-person. Iam more book-person that hangout-person. Quite a complicated character I guess iam and I aint yet intelligent to figure myself out.

Life turning self help books i read this year

The Mystical Journey of Life :

Professionally I began to enjoy my work than worry over results. The job well done generated more satisfaction than that of rewards & awards that might/may come consequently. I began to jump at any new experience in work more willingly, knowing new experience, be it success of failure would only enrich me professionally. Every work challenge I moved with “I Can”! mindset. Not once did I ever say to my boss negatively. Its always “ Its done or it will be done”. Somehow I was definitely sure that I could pull the solution out or Universe is benevolent in revealing itself.

Personally I could see vast changes within me. In Dec 2018, hardly I could run 100 metres without chest paining and lungs bursting. Come Dec 2019, I could easily run 10Km before the first bead of sweat breaks in. Been living minimal as much as possible. I cut down useless junk in life, be it humans or old clothes or electronic stuff. By end of day I deleted all social media messages/chat conversations. The idea is to delete “idea of memory and allied emotions” attached to it. (well, married men cant do it of course, hahahaha). Dumped old/new things which I felt I am no longer happy with even if I spent bomb on them.

most wise book i read this year

Beginning of year I undergone yoga training which I more or less practiced it regularly. I guess that’s where results crept from. There seems tremendous confidence gushing in me. I began to have greater clarity over life and events (sometimes scared that confidence might have led to arrogance). I happen to have greater control over my emotions. I was ready to let go and leave irrelevant issues to others advantage than fight stubbornly. I began to accept things as they are than worry over “if perhaps, it should ve been like this”.

There were some experiences which made me more sympathetic to world outside me. Hence I decided to do my part to society, be it materially or ideologically. I decided to donate at least 10% of my salary to disadvantaged sections of society. I wish greater confidence could be inculcated among children from rural areas or social welfare hostels. My identity in society and my identity in vast universe seems to become clear. As my social identity gets concretized, My identity in vast creation seems more confused or blending in itself.   Looks like iam evolving..Am i? I wonder.

Thus my 2019 ended. It could be launchpad for future . Lets see how experiences that enriched my soul in 2019 would impact my life by end of 2020.

DOWN THE MEMORY LANE..!!!

DOWN THE MEMORY LANE:

It was a pleasant surprise when my friend from my school days sent me my school days photo . As per my No-Nostalgia policy I never kept any of my childhood photo. He sent me photos from my 4th, 5th and 10th class. Its amusing to see myself and others . Now that I am 6 feet with V shaped facial structure , its funny to see myself so small n tiny with 100% round gulab jamun shaped face. In fact identifying myself would have been difficult had not been my thick glasses. The natural evolution and growth from 4th to 10th class is fascinating(in 10th class , we were of impression that we were fully grown men). There were so many tiny tots in the photographs whom I hardly remember. All people whom I grew up with but now looking back I couldn’t even remember few of their names.

Just for a moment, I tried to go back into past to remember my classmates but all I faced was huge mental block . Like in Bournes trilogy` I tried to re collect the past but with no avail. Like expert surgeon, I tried to cut through the hidden and forgotten debris in my depths of memory. I remembered nothing except few scraps of memory..some flashes of past from here and there . and that’s it. Nothing more. Occasionally I was able to figure out a name of a person.




I wonder where all these people are...friends,teachers etc..i rember one day as i was reading newspaper, i saw the obituary of my 5th class school teacher. wheels of time we can say surely catches up everybdoy. Wonder what everyone are doing. Wonder if they remember any of our classmates. Will I meet them again. Thanks to web technology, I know 2 classmtes who are on FB .Its funny in age of FB,Twitter, and shopping malls..there is every chance of meeting your long lost friend or bump into old acquaintance. Other day my boss who failed to offer proper service to client was trying to mollify tired client of ours. He made N number of rounds yet his loan was not through with fault from our side. To divert his anger, my boss start asking some personal questions. After many questions, both got shocked with each other as they discovered that they were school mates 30 years ago . now imagine this, meeting after 30 years ….now that’s what is Life is all about. Full of surprises and excitement.

till next update...keep smiling and stay blessed..sayonara

Random Thoughts

Hmm..this blog is little hatke from regular mocking joking comical banter. this blog is just my observation at various periods of time from diferent sources and which hitheryo not connected yet has some common strand running beneath them.

Scenario One; A Friend was saying how she wants to serve n take care of old n elderly. this was about 5 years ago and probably she was 19 or 21 at that tme .Hmm..what a noble idea at such an young age.

Scenarios Two: every day. from my window i happen to see scene in my neighbourhood home.Grandmother who is touching her 100th year possibly struggle with her daily chores.Its so hard for me to see her.She has all her wrinkled skin hanging to her bones.She cant even get up from her chair .Luckily her children take care of her reasonably well.Frankly many a tims when i ever i see her struggling trough i let out a silent wicked prayer that she is better off dead than alive.Death would have brought peace and solace for troubled soul


Scenario three: Couple of days ago i was reading some artcile in Tehelka newspaper where an investigative journalist has uncovered a story from villages of TN where Children kill their parents unable to take their burden. They give them full oil bath and make them drink XYZ water which raises body heat followed by high fever.(I said XYZ coz i dont want goive others any funny ideas though i know information is frely avilable on internet) These elderly with low levels of immunity die of high fever. Skill full Assasination i would say though the technical name is ...again XYZ


Scenario Four: I guess who is at fault.Childern with no concern for elderly and ready to dump them at Kumb melas and Busstops and temple steps or Parents who missed instilling right attitude in minds of young, I often find parents too busy in their hey days leaving little quality time for children.Often escaping the job of raising children properly behind the job in office or saying ..Just busy .Busy doing office work ..Busy playing gold or lazing with friends or TV or some other work...Lazy by being Busy?? Somewhere Parents miss the trans formation from being Authoritative and being and becoming Friends to their Children.I guess they fel they need to control a kid ...even when they are old enough to take flight on their own..You try to control thgem when ur strong..only leads to two situation. 1) They become timids in the real world 2) they become adverseries when Parents become old and feeble

Scenario Five:
My own case .Do i take care of my own folks ?....complex question but answer is clear.For 15 years i led a gypsy life doing little or nothing with family.I have little sentiments and family experience.I harldy talk to my parents except hi-bye , This-that etc Just Monosyllables conversation with no aim and enthusiasm..I seldom listen to them .I never take any orders from them.Frankly iam not at all obedient son and perhaps even a good one

Yet i confdently and with no regrets rejected a job in Dubai and Higher education in Usa for my parents..My interview question for my job was why i didint go to USA like all my classmates and return after earning enough.I know well., once i go ., returning is next to impossible or atleast heartwrenching scenario leaving all the luxuries and developed world life style..

.Atleast and least of things i can do to my parents is to be around India and just a call away in their ending days when they are old and feeble giving them personal touch rather than seding Rials or Dollars luxuries...Guess its the least i can do .....I may be right ..or i may be wrong ..but who cares ..My life ..My wish ..didnt i tell u iam damn
Independent Thinker

Trrrrrrrrrrrrring...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

""It takes a Minute to Offend Someone
An hour to like Someone
And a Day to Love somoene
and a Lifetime to Forget Someone""

I very strongly believe that "Sundays" are greatest gift by Gods to Mankind and ultimate discoveries by Man on this planet after Inventions of yummy Cuisines of Dosas and Mysore Bajjis (if u r in karnataka its goli bajji).Its not that sundays are holidays and i can laze around., infact be it sunday or monday ..i wud be still lazing and daydreaming and everyday is Fun-day

Sunday newspapers are gateways to understand a city.Any new place i go ., first thing i would do is buy all sunday newspapers.Sunday newsoapers will be loaded with many intesrting artciles n comics .Films are strict no-no to me on sundays .(who wants to sit in theatre filled to its full capacity., better watch it on monday or tuesday when half the theatre wud be empty)...okok

Today...weather is good.Cloudly.Breeze playing around me ,Already my mind has gone into tranquility mode after AOl meditation...Suddenly tranqiulty broke by phone vibration....Now this is "Surprise of Century" ...How did i ferget to switch off my phone on sunday.Sunday is strict No-no day fer Communications....fer a moment there was a tremor in my otherwise tranquil mind.The number...The number flashing on phone is of 10 digits...Its number that flashed in my dreams millions of times in far dead past.

Now the phone starting purring softly as cell volume went on ascending mode

10 digit number signifies only one thing. International call!!!.. Who would give me International call.??.and why ?

I observe the number.Its starting with 001 ..American number .Only one thing it means.

" Its Her .....!"

Time there should be roughly midnight.Hmm..the girl has become noctornal ...

"TRINGG"
Now the phone started moaning in raised pitch.

Why?..after so many years.Why ..suddenly?.now the important question is not 'WHY?' but should i take the call or not




Its been 5 years approxmiately since we parted on consensual basis .Now the call comes all out of blue..Shall i lift it or not ?...The Volcanic dilemma erupts mentally.

"TRIIIIIING.!!!!"

Surprising.,she still remebres me.I thought American life would have erased my memories from her mind and heart.

I have erased her memory completely with little or no residue.Now this call comes.Shall i ignore it like i have ignored and torn the letter given by cutetest gal in Engineering in front of all seniors gaping at me jealosuly?How immature and coward had i been at that time when i just tore the letter without even looking contents inside just out of fear and embrassment,Hmm..now i have come long way since that incident,
i

TRRRRRRRIIIING...
shall i or shant i ?..THE DIlemma rocks my cranium contents.Being in world of Finance., Mind automatcially generates Risk Assessment Report

My head seems to split like Raavan 10 heads .Each giving a Reason and Answer.Good ., bad and ugly Reasons and in middle lie Me.Totally Confused and Incoherent.

Why is she calling me after so many years.?.Is she trying to redeem the promise i held fer her that i wud stand by her irrespective of what time period of our lives it is .Damn., I hate giving such promises which wud put me in fix.But in Love ., Who is Sane??.I cant break a word that i have given.History is yet to see the day i wud break a promise.Its matter of reputation.The gal might have gone from life but the word thrives.Word is word .Once given.It canot be broken.No matter what.

TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIMGGGGG
now the phone started howling in cool wind

The Gals seems like from another lifetime.,,i cant lift the call and bring back the all Past rushing to Present,Its tempting but i cant.Momentarily it is good idea and tantazling idea to lift the call and hear the same soft n sweet voice again.But i wonder whats the long term consequences and implications can be?.

i cant take the call.One cannot become weak emotionally atleast A Man Cant,.Past is past and its Dead past .I know all my crazy pals esp Gato and Chouji wud scold me fer not taking the call but after all its my life .At end only Iam responsible for all decsions i take.and icant shrink from taking tough decisions.





Hmm..Gato and Chouji always scream and break my eardrums on singing her virtues and how best, beautiful she is ...hmmm.She might be best But i cannot go against anyones Wishes and Will.She might be best but that doesnt mean iam tooo ordinary.I may be single maybe thats reaosn good enough to invite this hyper pretty gal back..But I am not scared of being alone perpetually.Iam giver of love not a beggar of love., Its matter of self respect.If she is not there then Someone wud come.Weak people believe that Partner from Past is best coz they already know inside out of them and are comfortable with old than venture into new waters .Known Devil is better than Unknown Angel" is the mantra..I dont fear New nor Feel for Old..She maybe Best.But I make My partner "Better than the Best"

TRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING...CELL IS HOWLING LIKE 100 TRUMPETS

On positive sie its a golden opportunity to test how far i have taken control over my emotions since the end of our courtship.I want to see if the embers in my heart still glow in red with fire for her or not.Sitting on roadside pavement .i make a complete chcklist of all Physiological parameters within me .Hope people wont feel iam some kind of levis wearing vagabond or road side romeo with chinese made phone on streets...


i guess all my physical emoti0onal and mental senses are in order...


""Mind though initially surprsied and startled due to sudden flash of her number..now its all calm and tranquil and placiod.No agitation or frutsration.


Nasal senses Breeze not Sweet Whiff of her scent on her nape of neck.Speak of pheromones

No day dreaming.Mind doesnt project her face on mental screen

No insomnia., i still sleep peacefuly with no dreams

no mental fluctuations or cradiac beat gone haywire.....Hand still feels cold N81 out dated phone not imaginiing her small n soft hands ..Habits are same since iam born..Teetoteler..dosa lover..comics onsessed


Hormonal release is normal .No Nostalgia of Past or Aspiration of Future..!stress hormone cortisol is nullified and negated by happy hormone Doipamine resulted from new comic books i bought yesterday""

Thats it ..Everything is perfect


Whats wrong in taking the call ...maybe its a just a Courtesy call ....hmm Mind comes with various tricks ..when u want soemthing ., Mind surely comes wuth Hyper good reasons to do it ...NO No no Iam not going to fall fer tempttations ...

Shall i take the call or not ...?Hmmm.....call ceases...

hmmm...Call dies naturally ...shall i call back ?..no way ...N0 matter what happens ..no matter who is there or not ...what happens or not ...

shall i ..shall i not ? coffe or tofee ..the arguement continues as phone ring dies naturally ....shall i call back??

no way ..Let Bygones be bygones ...!!!!! what do u say ...i did right na ,,,,,Time to pack for my annual week long holiday ..no work for a week ..yipppieee..iam off to mountains....



and Dindt someone say

"Best Future lies in Forgotten Past.!!!"

George of the jungle

Wake up Sid..!!!!

Floccinaucinihilipilification ...perhaps that word is son of Godzilla and hybrid anaconda.Askme not the meaning for i myself donno but it seems to be synonymic to something like USELESS....hmmm...i dont hate that word as i co-relate to that word.Here iam...Lonely on this planet.Zillion of universes, Trillions of stars, 6 billion earth population, billion n odd Indias citizenry and Lonely Me....One Life .One Me.

This is the story of Me who got caught in the whirl storm of something i cannot define nor can something that my cerebral strenghths choose to understand.I donno what iam writing nor i know why iam writing and to whom iam writing.Perhaps this is my current mental state.Confused, Confounded, incoherent and Comical.I really wonder why God created me when the world deserves more Gandhis,Nehrus and Mother theresas.But students of Histories and Optimists are happy that He created Me-the Nameless and Faceless and Historyless rather than someHitler or Saddam hussain n thuis fattening their academic books and destroying around the world.

I really wondfer whats the purpose of my life. I sleep with no dreams.Either of Past or Person or Future.Future with no Promise and Past is Insignificant.Present utterly bland..Life is monotonous. Nine to Five job.Ten to Seven Sleep.No sense of combing, No sense of Style, No Sense .Just Nonsense.No bf,No gf,No commitments,No wife,No life.Kitchen knoife seems to have more worth than my life.

I wonder if iam gods only Prototype with all innovative components to touch the excellance reflecting extreme misery.Am i one of those guinea pigs or Lab Rats on this planet fer God or Devil?

Darkness..Darkness..and more Darkness.Everywhere i see ..Every direction ..all my eyes capture is pitch black darkness.Only sound is deafening Silence .More i try to penetrate the darkness...the more it envelopes me .Not just the surroundings but it seems to penetrate even my body ..blood ..veins..bowels ..Entire body saturated to brim by darkness.Darkness which has many synonyms .Frustration.Loneliness.Desperation etc etc many more etcs

This blog began with no theme nor will conclude with tangible conclusion.Is there any rule that everything that has a begining should have end ?.Cant some Ends be
Never Ending?.Frankly i donno what to write more or how to end .My brain has gone blank as it was in the beginning...all blank and conquered by Darkness ,..Wake up buddy

MID NIGHT PSYC-OPS

Time is 3 am. Blessed with super sharp senses , I sprang up at 1st sign of impending danger. My ears strain for signs of movement in pitch darkness of room…trying to catch some glint of knife …or hear some cocking of pistol…whooshing sound of garrotte……smell body odour..sweat…..anything…but no avail..my opponents have concealed themselves well. Though my body is no longer as active as it was in my prime , my 6th was nevertheless as good as ever. Then suddenly out of dark, there came attack…attackers hit me with full force ….one after another ..every strike of my enemies hit on all vital parts of body thus bleeding me bodily. Who could they be?...CIA or KGB hitsquads?...iam sure they are dispatched by Pakistan to eliminate before I take the hot seat in India policy making. Aahh…this is it its PREMPTIVE STRIKE..no doubt this is handiwork of ISI from Pakistan.

As I was too dazed to react I hear them doing victory dance like tribals after their hunt. Eeeks they are not some elite special forces trained in behind the enemy lines operations. They are just black bold big mosquitoes with sharp steely hypodermic needle that punctured my bruce lee body and sucked half my hyper pure blood. Before I could react I found my cell going crazy due to repeated assault of wifi signals. Hmm,,,,,I just check my orkut..no scrap since independence days….try rediffmail…no mail since Jurassic period….try yahoomail…even spam stopped visiting my inbox….check gmail…twitter…hifi...phew..looks like humanity have forgotten that a man like me exists. Last stop facebook resulted in jackpot..one message .first since man went to moon and planted flag on behalf of humanity. Wow those golden words read “how come no blog since feb2009”..now I guess that feb2009 is from stone age. now I stand on my head (seershasana)which is first part of my ritual that I do before I pen down. It helps my rusted n unused my brains back to its place in my head(left unused it slipped into legs). I put some water in ears which would has same effect on my brain as oil and grease to rusted vehicles.

What should I write?...my bland love life which is has same status of sahara desert with no oasis anywhere or my financial status which has gone down the negative levels without aid of subprime crisis and subsequent financial recession(why cant some govt put me on endangered species list and give me some financial stimulus package) or or what ???...hmmm….whatever ,,,here I go ..this article which iam writing totally extempore is dedicated to some geek in Canada running NOT behind trees in rain with his lady love …but preparing himself physically and mentally for entry into worlds greatest prison. Yeah, he is getting estranged into wedlock soon…my deepest sympathies buddy…

Hmm….all my pre-article ritual s are over yet no idea pushes into my cranium box. So I wtore whatever that comes into my mind. For once I reverse the process of mental activity. I remember reading book Q&A super book which is known to world as slumdog millionaire(stupid movie). Entire book is written in question and answer and story behind answer format. So I try to copy the same with equally awkward questions equally awkward explanations


In corporate world when we attend question firing squad HR interview, we are shot with age old questions for example

Q ) Tell me about yourself?

A) I am sure 9/10 would pose this question. So what do they want to know ?. about our past life (that’s in resume) or to tests our communication skills (that can be concluded with ease by end of interview) But whats the correct answer?. Wise mandarins give hundred answers yet its still has no valid perfect reply. Why?..i believe bcoz it has no answer.. why ?
How can there be any answer to such subjective question? By the way ancient sages of our country has propounded if we know who and what we are , we have reached the end of quest and we attain nirvana the ultimate salvation. Isn’t the toughest question in Vedanta is WHO AM I ?if sages struggled fr centuries cracking their wits and going nuts over such a grand question how can we , ordinary mere mortals can answer it?.

How can we tell aboutself? Whenever second we are dying and being born anew?. Thousands of cells are dying in our body every second and thousands are being generated freshly carrying our life forward(towards graveyard ofcoourse heeee) every moment is dying to make way for new..every second is new . wheneverythng is changing …when everything is so dynamic how can we speak what we are ?....

poeple say to speak what we are over a period of time ..oh my ,,,,now that wonderous…how .,,,buddy we are not animals who have set tendencies. They have same qualities all through their lives. Hence they can be easily predicted, hunted and tamed. But we are humans with brain . we are and can be totally unpredictable we can be anything we want. Every day our mind is getting changed depending upon all the tons of information’s that’s pounding in our heads through media.Every day new feature of life gets exposed depending on circumstances we face in this world then how can we say what excately we are ?...or atleast I don’t
Psychometric tests are for dumb as they can be beaten with ease or atleast I did twice in a row. A person who doest change according to the world is living in fossilized world self created and what more he is insulting the the Gods gift of free will. Yeah if there is anything that’s predicable in human nature is his unpredictability


THE ULTIMATE MYSTERY OF MILLENNIUM CONTINUES..............

Ruckus on Rampage

Q 2) what are your positive points and negative points?

A ) welcome to the world of equally stupid question as above. What are strong positive and equally negative points? Who can define what positive is and what negative is ?and what is the purpose of these positive and negative points? One mans terrorist is another mans freedomfighter. So who in this statement is good and who is bad? Whatever am back to point. I don’t belive anything such a positive and negative. I either mould any situation to my convenience or get crushed by it dependning my capability. Stretch any quality beyond a point it changes its characteristic. From positive to negative and negative to positive. Exercise is good and do in excess it hurts. For example iam born with poor concentration now that’s a negative point as per worlds standards and negative point . I belive that every good quality is resultant of something bad and both good and bad sides of same coin. If there is something jut flip it to other side there would be something equally sweet positive point. Lack of concentration would directly lead to good analytical skills. Trust me , your creativity enhances. What is concentration?. Keep your mind at one point ie., single pointedness. Whats lack of concentration? We cannot keep at one point that means it keeps moving int different things wow that means you can many things than other people. Whats analytical skill? Analsyising information from number of sources ..isnt that what poor concentration equipped chap does.?....am I wroing buddy?...all the money I earned on this planet has nothing to do with college education or concentration,,,,trust me,,,,it works


Q 3) why should one marry?

Now iam entering into real contraversial realm…I can give 100 reasons why and why not but I guess I shoudnt dampen spirits of all those commandos of life who are out to make this move ..but I wonder if guy really marries?..its women who marries man and man just gets tied up to a women. I wonder why man takes up suck a big risk . is it not foolishness buying boeing plane just because for free peanuts. Three nights bliss and three hundered years bondage and three lifetimes of regrets. Remember if love is a jungle where manly tiger gets eaten by beautiful female deer then marriage is marriage is an instituation hoplessly biased towards women. Did any man on this planet irrespective of country and colour, region race and religion ever say that he is happily married? Either you are happy or your are married but not both…and what did women do to mankind ? with few drops of tears made living life next to all hell and hades





Love has a chemical quality to transform people energies. It makes you want to create something for beloved –music , poetry, garden. All the energies will take a shift from being destructive to something constructive and creative”

------Osho

Isn’t this true that a man would do anything for a women? Anything and anything. everything to all thing. If Tajmahal is built as expression for emperors undying love for his beloved the car company Mercedes was mark of love for a fathers daughter. Unable to see his beloved part from him, the king made paradise in desert in form of hanging gardens of Babylonia. And unable to see his sweetheart wife taking trouble walking around the mountain to go to temple, the man has broken entire mountain to make road for his wife just by hammer ..see love has no barrier and knows no impossibilities. But what did girl to mankind? Forget not Trojans war which killed thousands of greek soldiers was fought just for one women called Helen same thin goes with Ramayana , the cause was a woman.

So DON’T MARRY AND BE HAPPY
Its almost morning ..chalo me gotta hit the ground .. Aurvoir

Escape to Eternity

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Nature was my 1^st love .trip to badrachalam temple was more to take a break from routine slug that has set in life rather than any spiritual connotation. Train upto district and from district to town by bus and to from village to badrachalam by car through the forest, rivulets .Badrachalam temple was built by Ramdas on bank of godavari.

The fun in temple was not many were near sanctorum. But most of them were near exhibition that displays jewels of Lord Ram .If there is 1 man ..there are 100 women .Hasn’t Marylyn Monroe said Diamonds are women best friends. How true. All women thronged the jewel exhibition. they weren’t just viewing .but analyising like gemologists .

My birthday is on march 20 ie ., cusp of Aries n Pisces. But dominant element is water in my zodiac and no wonder , water bodies is always my favourite hangouts I was childhood champion in officers club in swimming. I used to dive from highest board and swim underwater fer quite a long time .but after 10 years step[ping to water I recived the shock of century .i was not able to float in Godavari.i was drowning. gasping to keep myself afloat. Entire energy being drained in those currents. hydrostatic pressure crushing my ribs and as if heart is elevated to throat. oh my ..i just stepped into shallow waters but this is quite embarrassing to be

Now what I write is specifically for someone who shares my enthusiasm and love for everything that’s wonderful and natural. Starting back from temple we cruised leisurely back home through forest roads. The farms…village atmosphere…..calmness…serenity really filled every fissure in my heart with great joy . Sensitiveness has its own advantageous. One can see things in its pristine form.

As we returned dusk has set in. and starts started making their appearances. After some moments I witnessed something that 99% not possible in metropolis due to clouds of pollution. Car was cruising at over 100 and I was not complaining as I was totally engrossed at gust of wind that seems to relish dashing at my face as my tresses danced in synchrony. I felt adrenaline rush as we zipped past dark n deep woods. Perhaps my primate connections from our homosapian ancestors woke up in midst woods ,I felt like screaming at top of my voice till it penetrates every critter in forest.

Now we were passing through fields and vast landscape lie in front of us. Entire universe came into view. Wow ..what an awesome cosmic display??...as of Lord Nataraja has danced through stars and nebular activity. No amount of description can explain the beauty of view. Zillions of shining stars spread over the vast endless space. How come we fail to observe the wonders of nature but worry more over flat tyre ?

All the languages of the world would not help in explaining this cosmic art(wish I can shake hands with Artist who is responsible for this ) My limited vocabulary does no justice to explain this stunning phenomenon.

Ever since 1^st satellite sputnik of Russia penetrated into space hundreds followed the suit. More sophisticated and more penetrating .yet with all the world research we hardly scratched the surface. More humans try to unravel mystery called space..more seems to appear and more galaxy seems to have become mysterious. Imagine this sun takes 8 minutes to bathe the world with its scorching rays and moon within a second …how about these stars over my head now ??...It takes 4 years .Gasping isn’t it ?

Pause and ponder!!!!

Ask yourself , when was the last time we actually consciously wondered about nature around us which we have taken it so granted? when was the last time we marveled of universe ?when was the last time you have relished the beauties of nature with all your heart and soul? Like everyone I was totally lost in daily humdrum of life till I managed this getaway .Now iam able to take a sip at cosmic ecstasy into my soul. I was thoroughly intoxicated by sheer unlimited joy that has over whelmed every cell in my body. I was totally drunk with ecstasy. In one word the experience can be summed as BLISS!!!!

The stars like priceless diamonds sparkling in backdrop of pitch back sky is phenomenon something worth tons of happiness combined. These stars were all over not like in clusters as we see in metros. all types of stars ..big …small ..Dying stars ..pulsars..lunar activity ..red stars …constellations ..all were visible with naked eye .

I became philosophical. I tried to penetrate the unlimited universe with my limited mind. Comprehending the incomprehensible!!!i wonder where it begins and where it ends. Can we touch the ends of universe? is there any end in the 1^st place? if there I an end there would be beginning..

Who could have created all this. wow the creator must have been awesome mathematician .otherwise how could he managed to set so many variables like stars and planets and those tons of permutations that life takes up to exist to brilliantly fit into this sudoko like synchrony ? and work in 100% perfect tandem with zero scope to mistake!!!!

What could be be those wonderful forces that are holding all the planets stars and meteors, asteroids , comets and all other cosmic entities to i function in such a perfect synchrony? What could be those hidden forces or energy that has designed such a magnificent piece of art at mind boggling sophistication?

Now fundamental question arose.

Is this

Creation or evolution

Science or spirituality

Physics or Meta physics ?????????

So many question pounding like shooting tars n comets into my mind screen. but no answers seem to emanate. Is this what Chandogya Upanishads say “ Tat Tvam Asi” “That Art Thou”…

Am I trying to unravel impossible ?

Am I touching the realm of forbidden?

Am I decoding Code Called God?

Nostalgic???

Few days back I met my old college pals over a marriage reception party on the occasion of friends wedding. My friends seems to have lost no time in reminiscing about good old times . And everyone involved over mudslinging exercise on people who are far off in usa or just laughing over worn out joke pulled during college days." NOSTALGIC, THEY WERE ". It hardly makes me any sense of this. Nostalgia is one of million atavistic emotions ingrained in our mental makeup.

Why should a man become nostalgic?. There is neither use nor purpose by submitting ourselves to these silly emotions, which make us sentimental. Two minutes of sentimentality can blur your judgment. People go nostalgic seeing their old school photos, remembering good old college farewell party, old flame etc and their heart began to melt , in extreme cases moodiness sets in fer days . What's the fun in living in the past . The so-called good days are long gone and deeply buried in pages of ur personal history. No force nor no power can retrieve them back. Life is sweet and is in future, Never and not in the past. Past has served its purpose and its time to forget the past and make in roads into future and again I say life is in future. Old days are good , but new days and great days are stored up in the 'future' vault. Old days appear good just coz we know it ..and we are fearful of future coz we are afraid to meet future with confidence and head on as it's a mystery.

Now, if u ask me would I go nostalgic , I say I always propound the elimination of heart-linked sentiments .human is gifted with hundreds of emotions and its in our command to keep them under check .nor my old school nor college ever evokes in me anything , it was just a non living thing made out of brick and mortar. If people write diary , I write mt dreams , but in my mind , once I achieve them , they get erased and be replaced by something new .i am gone and that's it ..The story ends there .never I kept any old pictures of pals or anything old I just simply dispose old prizes that I won for many competitions so that space is available fer better things. the moment I feel the job of a thing is done , I just dump it . I don't believe in memorable items. I d rather invest in knowledge rather than things.

This reminds me a saying Oscar Wilde

"I don't want to be at mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, enjoy them and to dominate them."

Love n Peace
Myself

PS: Still to be more practical, let me give better example how this nostalgia working in our society. India , we say and collectively croon about its lost glory , olden days , huge stacks of ancient wealth(India's share in in world trade was 40% before British dogs came . now its less than 1 %) we go on singing off good old days rather than trying to our bit to make today better and tomorrow- The Best .

Sound of Silence

SOUND OF SILENCE


There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel.For fear of embarrasing the other person or our selves, we hesitate to say the actual words I LOVE YOU .So we try to communicate the idea in other words .We say take care or be good or dont drive too fast ,

But really , these are just other ways of saying I LOVE U .You are important to me .I care what happens to u. I dont want u to get hurt ,We are some times very strange people.The only thing that we should say and the only one thing we dont say ..And yet because the feeling is so real , and the need to say it is so strong , we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean .And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unWanted

Therefore we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us .,Some times the explict words are necessary ,,but more often the manner of saying things things is even more important .A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressedinsincerely .an impulsive hug says i love u even though words might be saying very diffrent
the problem is listening fer love is that we dont always understand the language of love which the other person is using ..A gal may use tears or emotions to say and her boyfriend may not understand her coz he expects her to talk his language

World cannot live without communication and love .we have to listen fer love in those around us .,if we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved that we realise

2006 HAPPY NEW YEAR ... 2007