Saturday, July 17, 2021

Four Horsemen: A General, A Terrorist, A Spymaster, A Naxalite


Is formal education in top universities prerogative for hitting pinnacle in chosen field ? Maybe yes, but not necessarily . We seldom hear IIT/IIM alumni starting something like Fortune 500 companies. Once ISRO chairman remarked that his top engineers are from ordinary colleges, not IIT/MIT. Maybe they are brilliant minds but not game changers. RGV film director said he never learnt film making in traditional way. One camera man working for him during his first film was astonished by his level of clarity and depth of subject despite being total novice. However I have little knowledge on general subjects but nevertheless enjoyed military history and global conflict from entertainment perspective.

Reading on some of these characters revealed that these were nobody with no formal education. But they made their mark in their chosen field. Iam not glorifying them nor i say they are good people , kind hearted, noble men. In war, only one things counts: “Victory”. Nothing else matters. (Perhaps , Being still alive is another that counts ). I have listed four of them. There could be million others. But I confess, i don’t know any of them. If you know, please tell me in comments.

The four are  Gen Giap (Vo Nguyen Giap), Pottu amman, Amrullah saleh, and Tech Madhu

1. Gen Giap, was nicknamed as Red napoleon &  was self taught Vietnamese soldier with no military training yet gained his place in pantheon of greatest military generals. He converted rag tag gang of rebels into fighting force that defeated French and USA (Most popular image of Americans fleeing in chopper from terrace of embassy). Americans frustrated fighting against his army must have bombed million bombs in two weeks, poured tons of brutal Agent Orange which burnt entire forests to flush rebels. He brilliantly countered hitech american weapons with simple jugads, determination, personal charisma and built whole new cities under the ground from where warfare was effectively carried out. ( Google to know more about these ratlines & underground cities)



2.  Pottu Amman was Intelligence chief of LTTE, the dreaded tamil rebel group of sri lanka , the only militant group that had functional army, navy and airforce. This guy was considered as idiot as student , introvert and paranoid as youth. But these very qualities made him most effective & dangerous intelligence chief in this region. Academic brilliance is never prerequsite to run intel-agency. Lateral thinking is. Always eager to learn, he procured training manuals across the world and localized the lessons to suit local conditions. He was so effective that no one knew how he looked. For decades, intelligence agencies tried to get his photo but in vain (Reminds me cold war East german intel head “Marcus Wolf- known as Man without a face, who made America and its allies run for money, Wiki him friends). Under him , two Prime ministers of two nations (Sri lanka and India ) were assassinated, checkmated Indian army (IPKF), converted LTTE into massive military machine. 



3. Amerllah saleh though born in poor family in Afghanistan rose in ranks to become Spy master of Afghan intelligence. His network so effective that he was 1st to state that Osama bin laden was in Pakistan much before US Navy seals took him out in abbotabad, Pakistan. As young guy he impressed his USA CIA trainers with his hard work and enthusiasm to learn beyond syllabus. One of his famous lines that I read “ Sure & if they kill me, I have told my family & friends not to complain about anything coz I ve killed many of them with pride, so iam very legitimate target when I stand against them”



Recently I was listening to interview of Tech Madhu. Like any of Naxalite, he is known by many names but popularly known as Tech Madhu. Born in poor family, he had intense desire to become engineer. After 10th , he joined industries as helper, picked up trade, always curious how machines worked. He worked more for knowledge than money. Maoists lured him into their organization by appealing to his thirst for knowledge. (he was promised he could become engineer within their ranks. Moreever he never had money to pay for higher education). Just with 10th class education, he procured books on weaponry, developed designs, learnt engineering through hands on and finally developed rocket launcher tech which shook nations security agencies. Ofcourse later he was arrested and now runs a small industry with 50 employees. When questioned how he developed modern machines without formal knowledge : he simply said “ I think intensely on problem for long time till the solution comes up”

One common pattern I observed that all these were born out of circumstances, War ravaged nations or perceived injustices. Born in conflict situations, they were able to leverage their natural talent by fighting against much bigger opposition. There are millions like them in different fields. Anyone you know? Lemme know?

Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Wangmo Dorge

 Hygge”, which is a Danish word. Hygge is when you are at your home, under a blanket sipping your favourite beverage, talking to your best friends and family members as a storm rages outside. Hygge is about the coziness of your soul.


Well, she is no Hygge. She is more than that. She is blend of supergirl, miss universe & Lara croft .Coy & Cute. Ferocious & Fantastic. Warrior & Princess. Amazing personality that literally made me gape with awe& wonder. 




I always value good conversation, magical moments, heart touching actions, exciting gossip, inspiring interactions. And above all, a good human. She is all & much much more. You will be remembered for all eons to come
. MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY

Ps: Wangmo means strong. Dorge means Thunder in Tibetan Buddhist folklore

Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness or simply YOU..the sweetheart of solace
🌹🦀


Hate to see myself replaced 


My schoolmate whom I met after 20 yrs once told me that I was very argumentative as kid. Anytime in debate or discussion, i would pull down all facts figures logic etc for superior intellectual domination. Yet not once , I argued with auntyji. Not once I ever pointed she was wrong. Despite knowing I kept my silence. I think i just didnt have heart to see her in losing position or where I disprove her. Moreover what am I getting out of it..Nothing!!. let her take victory . Her happiness is mine. Moreover I value her more than my irrelevant ego. So I keep my silence 

We always imagine bad luck comes like truck to run you over. But at times it comes like vapor yet it's consequences vaporize you. Karma need not always come as sledgehammer and smash your head...at times, it comes in soft manner where u end up saying stupid things u didn't mean or slip over toothpaste & end up smashing ur own brains...🤷🏾‍♂️

Being with aunty or being at this phase of life unveiled many secrets of life. I realized I never loved anyone till aunty stepped in. Maybe it's my comfortness or her constant verbiage & verbose that made me addicted to her. I loved our daily conversations where I opened n spoke my heart which is rare, considering iam always closed & shut personality. I loved her grit& way she handled her life. Somewhere I felt secure under feathers like mother hen for I never ambitious nor sought anything in world. But once she came in life, I changed. I wanted best for her & her world. (She came with package like samosa..3 points).

Unknowingly I was totally consumed by phenomena called Auntyji. 

I was never domesticated tame guy. Always wild & unconventional. But for the first time, I toyed with idea of marriage..maybe she is 1 whom 1 can grow old with,. Wake up to.see the same face every morning ..I know.many would be shell shocked. But I did think. Once that idea rooted in mind, I started imagining all hypothetical situations that would emerge from that decision and  my response. Being March-Born, iam always hyper imaginative. What if she kicks me out of her home, then what?, how would my sisters react? How should I divide my time between  office, Delhi & my native place. What about my old parents. What about properties, financial..my job/her job...future... etx etc etc...all while such thoughts were entertained....Karma hits in..either to provoke or obliterate...whatever & however the situation went, things went south & everything collapsed 

Here's a cute incident with her. Once On a call, she spoke for more than a hour, non stop, all alone,...only after hour she realised I haven't uttered a word & asks why iam so silent. "If u only allow me sweetie, if u allow me, then I can say something was my reply...haha


Will I find another such, I don't know nor iam interested...let Fate take its own course...I don't care..once again, I float in galaxy n let nature take its own course.....Why am I quiet or never share deepest details of my life?. Iam never sure. Never confident. Fickle & never trusting myself. I have no clue what my next move is. I always go with flow...
...

Friday, July 2, 2021

Kargil- War on peaks

 Where soldiers from all regions(including north east), religions (including islam) backed by all other overt n shadow agencies fought most bloodiest battle in history of india. There was no religion here except Patriotism. There was no race here except Tricolour. That's Kargil conflict for you all in brief.

I specifically mentioned All Regions coz we tend to associate armed forces mostly to north India when we had martyrs from North east and south India also. All Religions again,patriotism is assumed as owned by some religions while ignoring others esp when Muslims soldiers as well died for perching flag on frozen heights.

It was not just army, but also commandos from Navy ( MARCOS) Paramilitary, intelligence (RAW-VIKAS commandos), Airforce gave their blood on snowy peaks. Again wars are fought on multiple fronts. Be at borders or in Board rooms. Other agencies like Diplomats swung world's opinion to back India; Intel agencies who were able to tap mushraff secret secured call from China to paki field commanders. That single call nailed pak's lies to world and changed America views on kargil conflict.

Loc region is always Grabbers Keepers. Musharraf plan was perfect. Occupy peaks & stay on. What he couldn't factor in was grit of jawan of Indian army. War was bloody & brutal & no holds barred. Fighting uphill, with scant resources ( only then Indians realised we lacked what we need in high level mountain warfare) was sheer mind-boggling challenge. But grit of Indian army was made more tougher than iron nails. They soon conquered the peaks. Kargil was fought led by young officers. Sacrifices of these young officers Inspired even veterans, legends were born.

After 1971 war, Pakistani POW Gen Niazi was confined in Jabalpur cantonment. Eminent journalist Kushwant Singh interviewed him & in some context asked him what's urdu inscription hung behind him. He said " Allah stands on side of truth". Kushwant Singh then said " yes, India won because India was on side of Dharma". Same applies to kargil.



What happened later was sadly Like any other major crisis incident. Review commitees set up, blame game between armed forces vs intelligence agencies vs political class while no one took blame (remember how 1971 war credit was taken by everyone).

 Kargil & 1971 war are two wars I read extensively. As kargil issue happened between May-July 1999, these memories rose in my mind & spontaneously written this post. 

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Seeker guides on spiritual odyssey

 My fascination with Fables n Fairy tales began on my mother lap as a kid whileshe narrated stories from folklore & mythology. Among all those tons of books on spirituality i read i bring out few best within my limited understnding. All are extremely good hence there is no best among this list.Each has its own speciality n uniquness.Here i go:

* Warning : some of these might be accused of being charlatans. Use your own judgment. My opinion is simple: i take what benefits me & leave the world opinion to world.

Seeker guides on spiritual odyssey 1

1. Autobiography of yogi & Himalayan masters by Paramahamsa Yogananda & Swami Rama
I bracket them under one kind. Both are amazing journeys of boy saints under their respective enlightened Masters from India to America. Probably they are best export of India to west after Swami Vivekananda . Both books speak of amazing anecdotes of siddhis. While Yogananda exposed world to amazing immortal Babaji , Swami Rama spoke on Himalayan traditions & was.also accused as CIA agent in India & fraud in America. Film Baba by Rajinikanth was partly influenced by both the books. Books by both the authors subsequent to these are great read to whet spiritual appetite of seekers & aspirants.

 

2. Stumbling into Infinity by Micheal Fishman: Author is one of foremost disciple of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who started Art of Living. It’s bitter-sweet roller-coaster journey of Author with Guruji. It’s not story of miracles & wonders but gentle story of doubting disciple journey before becoming ardent believer. It is also story of Sri Sri from his days under Mahesh Yogi of Transcendental Meditation , building of organization, authors part in growing up etc. Ashtavakra Gita by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is quite a revelation which is well interpreted for modern times. I came to know later that Mahesh Yogi who was most popular Guru in 60s (Beatles trained yoga under him) was also teacher to Jaggi vasudev (Isha foundation), Rishi Prabhakar (SSY) & Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (AoL).

3. “Destined into infinity by Stephen Knapp” & “He came to set Captives free by Rebecca Brown” & “Reminisences of seeker by Kapil Bhaskar ”
These three can be termed as spiritual thrillers though I can’t say how true the stories are. First two are more or less same while third can be read free on Kindle Unlimited. First was written by ISCKON devotee & the story is about foreigner who on visit to India discovers that he is destined to battle asuras with help of his Master who teaches him Narayana mantras while Rebecca claims to be help exWitch to fight against Satanists who allegedly infiltrated into society through catholic church & new age teachings (that included Lord Shiva, Yoga, meditation, TV series etc through which Satan controls humans). Again she was declared as fraud. However book was quite edgy. Similarly Kapil Bhaskar (he can be found on FB) states that he used occult to grow rich & famous . His ex Gurus in occult use him to get themselves rich & powerful. But in this process loses a.lot ,however later he was saved by genuine Guru.

4. Aghora Trilogy by Robert Svoboda 

Life is mere memory ., be it beautiful or bitter, its just a memory” muses Aghori Vimalananda. I read that line in Odessey book store when i was a teen. I never got enough funds to buy that book. I had to wait for another 5 years before i could lay my hands on it

Aghora 1(the Left hand of God); Aghora 2(Kundalini); Aghora 3 (Law of Karma). When i read Aghora-1 for the first time i lost half my sleep in nights due to sheer fear.All books i read till now are books that go easy on reader but Aghora triology is no-holds-barred .He shows no mercy and is often ruthlessly frank.No sugar coating for benefit of ignorant reader.These books are of Left hand of Tantra. Aghoris themslves are fierce saints who are said to eat dead bodies and these books “Left hand of Tantras” are more extreme in frankness. Though not suggested for faint hearts, neverthless its very informative which would open new grooves in your brain
Western world or urban populace knew less of Aghora Sadhus till these books came out. Author dispels myths around these ferocious saints who are said to eat human meat& involve scary rituals. The book is of author & his interactions with Vimalananda Aghori. Vimalananda lives like any city dweller in city, gambles in horses, enjoys life to peak as householder while being intense devotee of Goddesses. He opens the world of Aghora discipline & culture to his disciples while ordering him not to publish about him for 20 yrs after his death. Very fantastic book.

5. Buddhism:

Meditation has now become synonymous with image of serene Buddha in meditative state. Buddha was first revolutionary who defied existing status quo & order of the day. The popular memory of Buddhism is always maroon robed lamas, hidden esoteric potala palace of gentle Dalai Lama & mystical monasteries. Tibetan Buddhism (sikkim, ladakh, Tibet, Arunachal) was hidden under mystery almost till China occupied it. Padmasambhava, Milerepa, Nagarjuna etc great torch bearers of Buddhist wisdom that pervades to this day.

Lobsang Rampa (Author of 13 books with “The third eye “ being most popular) spoke about most bizzare wonders & powers of lamas. Aliens, secret passages into earth, astral travel to distant plans, invisibility, 3rd eye operations, soul transfer etc (wiki him for more) Western audiences didn’t know how to see his phenomenon as till that time no one could claim to be expert on Tibetan Buddhism . To my utter luck, I discovered book by unknown author made concise book including interesting parts of all 13 books. My interest in spirituality as 17 year old was totally due to his books.

Jetsunma Tenzin palmo, bio “Cave in the Snow”
is about European lady who gets attracted to Buddhism & comes to India. Does severe 12 year penance in snowy caves (3 yrs in total isolation) of Himalayas. She takes a vow to get enlightened in female form but had to stop her penance as her visa gets expired. Her fb posts & book is certainly insightful read. Inspirational as seldom we see female saints in modern world.(atleast I don’t know).

Seeker guides on spiritual odyssey 2

Few days ago I read “a step away from paradise by Thomas Shor” . It’s story of Saint who unsuccessfully tries to.open mystical land of Utopia in sikkim. He is joined by 200 followers who give up everything to join his once a lifetime journey. This gives peek into world of mysticism & Buddhist legends. This mystery land “Beyul Demoshong ” is land hidden by Padmasambhava (Saint who took Buddhism to Tibet aka Guru Riponche). Apparently, Padmasambhava foreseeing future hides treasures (wisdom, prayers, location of land etc) in earth, human memory etc to be awakened at time when it’s right. Amazing.

Tibetan book of dead” is quite popular. Though I read it as teenager, now I don’t have recollection of it.

6. Born Again: Reincarnation Cases Involving International Celebrities, India’s Political Legends and Film Stars is Book by Walter Semkiw

&
Brian Weiss “Many life Many Masters “

These books shook minds of Western audience as they speak of reincarnation. For Asians, reincarnation is accepted fact but for Westerners, it’s unpalatable. Born Again charts who were who in past which includes Rekha, Indira Gandhi, Nehru, Abdul kalam etc. This book states that Tipu sultan has reincarnated as Kalam while his father Haider Ali was born as Vikram sarabhai, great scientist who was kalam guru. Both were rocket pioneers reborn later to finish what they started 400 yrs ago. In Wings of Fire (autobio of Abdul kalam), Kalam says how he was struck at picture of tipu sultan firing rockets in American lab. Perhaps his ancient memory was woken up momentarily.

Many life Many Masters ” is about past life regression by hypnosis where author discovers many past lives of his patients. He concludes many of phobias are due to past life experiences.

Seeker guides on spiritual odyssey 3

7. “Journey back home” by Radhanath Maharaj is bio of another westerner who comes in search of truth in India. At age of 14, author expresses weird nature in America, like, he couldn’t sit on chair to eat, or being vegetarian etc. At 17, he becomes hippie, travels across world to India. He tries various sadhanas with masters before he surrenders to Prabhupadha of Isckon. Currently he heads Mumbai Iskcon Temple. When I first heard of this book, I couldn’t afford it and five years later mysteriously someone gifts me this saying, he is not much a reader & book is lying idle for last 5 years.

8. There are many more interesting books by/on jaggi vasudev, Neem karoli baba, Dalai lama, Nityananda , Osho, Ramana maharishi etc but somehow either I didn’t connect well or I haven’t read. I haven’t added Om Swami memoir here as we all know about it & are here only after reading it. More than memoir I absolutely loved “Million thoughts “, “All is not well”, “Kundalini,” The wellness sense”,. Mahatria “Unposted letter “& “Most&More” are very modern, irreligius & can be read by any person of any age and greatly benefit from it, otherwise listen to his 5 minute videos on YouTube.

Phew, I started this post , however got so engrossed that I totally lost track of time. If you have come till this point, share which spiritual book had max impact on spiritual soulful odyssey?

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Mission Passion


 

     "Duty done out of desire becomes ultimate delight"


I used to work in Govt bank. I never liked working in bank and I also didn’t like myself. Bouts of grumpiness, irritation over  failures in past, frustrated over wrong turns I took in life, old regrets surfaced occasionally as I lived alone. I merely existed in bank. But that doesn’t mean, I was bad at work. I was quite efficient & but just did what was expected from me. Not more. Its not that I didn’t enjoy my life. I watched films, read books, tried meditation, ate good food. Yet something in me was missing. Life was insipid, tasteless and I merely existed. One fine day, something snapped. I just called it quits. Entire world dissuaded me not to, considering my age. Many of friends & colleagues felt iam crazy, total failure and some just avoided me all together.  I didn’t have any job, or plan. For an year I just travelled, prepared for govt jobs etc. one fine day , I got landed in particular line of work in Govt services. It was stroke of luck & total grace. All my life I day dreamed this line of work. I used to watch those action films, read voraciously on these topics, dreamed in nights. Voila!, Now it has become reality.

 

Amsterdam. Pc: Rashmi

     As I joined the job, I realized I was the oldest guy in my batch. But I realized, I absorbed the subject like sponge and craved for more. i realized that huge heavy black cloud of regret & frustration lifted magically. In job , I felt light & energetic. I could feel energy pulsuating through. Even insignificant act appeared wonderful, if not sacred. It might appear mundane to world. But every moment became cause of joy & celebration. Results never mattered somehow as I was thoroughly enjoying the process of getting the job done. My heart became full to brim, smiles more from soul, enthusiasm naturally radiated. Somehow others felt it too. Though I was always with same face with no modification by any make up, now world felt I was attractive. This was surprise to me as well.  I was learning from all other unrelated jobs & tried to inculcate in my line of work with wonderful results. I enjoyed world to extent, many qualities like jealousy , cribbing, anger, stress, need for appreciation, desire for name/fame/awards/rewards etc dropped naturally and desire to learn &, contribute more increased phenomenally. I almost stopped reading fiction books or watching films. When life& reality  itself has become more exciting then why watch virtual make believe entertainments . Life went zen like mode.

Vizag. PC: Mallik 

     I realized If you are passionate about your work, you can do the same amount of job in fraction of time. Its not how long you sit to work but how good you feel doing it. Working for 10 hours at office and carrying load mentally back home is definitely miserable way to live. When more than half of your life is spent at work place, it better be great place to be.


   
When you take up job that is close to your heart, its natural that you try to learn as much as you can from all quarters. More we know about our trade, more clarity on work field. More clarity leads to better decision making based on clear vision than guess work . All this end in generating more confidence in yourself. There may or may not be chances of earning more money or name or fame. But its definite that there is more calm and contentment in life.

Auroville, pondicherry 

     While I say this, it doesn’t mean that things don’t go wrong. At any given point of time no human has all information to make perfect decision. Things can go wrong. Blunders and utter failures may rise. It could be painful but need not be suffering. Failing might lead to new lessons, detours and redirection of our path. More experience to arsenal of thinking. Its better fail in cause of our liking than fail in jobs based on borrowed dreams. Of course at times, things didn’t work and I had to face ire of seniors. But I never felt the hurt or embarrassment . I knew my efforts were undoubtedly 100% and took their scolding as course correction or lessons for future (at times I even jotted down) & felt I grew more wiser now. Now I began to love myself & respect myself knowing I will go to grave with no regrets.


     Doing the job you are fond of is akin to floating while smelling sweet scent as against doing job which you have no desire is like dragging halfdead soul-less body by hooks painfully punctured into your skin. Quite often due to lack of enthusiasm in job gives rise to sheer wastage of huge amounts of energy putting enormous strain on physical and mental system. They are the ones who are always cranky and screaming kinds. Somewhere deep inside they are hurt and bitter. Either with life or themselves. I was there , but grace pulled me out. Perhaps I was persistent day dreamer and universe was kind to help me out. For this gift, I bow thee.

 

 

 

Monday, May 10, 2021

The Legend of Ram

 

The Legend of Ram

Just jotting down random thoughts on Lord Ram. Not that iam big bhakt of Ram but few incidents I cam across. Actually only two. First was during some course where one IPS officer was having friendly chat with us (more a banter). But I think she takes great pleasure in making fun of others and ridiculing other religions etc. The conversation finally veered to Ramyana , where she gave caustic comments on Lord Ram. Her line of thought was Ram was very nasty god for abandoning His wife Sita just bcoz of some street gossip . Had she been there in those times, her reaction would be different while Sita choose to obey her husband .  

Kinda argument ensued but not many dared to go against her in full throttle knowing well she is vindictive. While she claims to be atheist and secular, its well known, her meat was halal compliant.

Well, though iam in that crowd, I chose not to argue for simple reason, I give a damn for anyones opinion. One person opinion will not change image of ageless Ramayana. Every religion or theory will have incidents which cannot be argued on updated wisdom of different millennium. Morever there is no end to discussion on Politics & Religion.  however i remebered that banter when i Recently  read an anecdote about legendary Field Marshal Cariappa. In 1965 war, his son was airforce pilot and became PoW. Knowing presence of son of FM Cariappa , Paki Gen Ayub khan called him and assured proper treatment would be given to his son and if he wishes, he will set free. However Cariappa rejected his offer and further stated that “all PoW are his children, Release all or none. No special treatment needed to be given exclusively to his son”


From this one anecdote one can gauge Rams dilemma as well. He might be husband of sita, but he is also King of his subjects. As king he had to take the action as per aspirations of his subjects just like Cariappa had to forgo his identity as father to his son and become General of army of a nation which bestows him greater responsibility than confining to narrow identities of father and son.

In one of Om swami speeches I heard story where Khumbakaran in conversations with his brother Ravan asks him “Brother , you have all magical powers. If you wanted to kidnap or bring Sita as your wife, why not change your appearance to Ram himself?” Ravan replied “ ofcourse that thought did come to me, but whenever I change my guise to Ram, my entire mind goes pure and was not able to think anything bad about any woman”, Well that’s the power name of lord carries..!

 


Monday, January 4, 2021

2020: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

 


The year that was:

        Though era of corona has ushered all negative fall out, for me not all was negative. There was some good, bad and ugly. Here are few interesting takeaways. While there was global gloom & Depression doom all over, I hardly felt anything. Be it claustrophobia or depression due to lockdown and lack of social interactions. Well, that’s my daily lifestyle for decades. On contrary, Lockdown gave opportunity to sleep peacefully, read in tons,

 

THE GOOD!

        When corona struck , no news that came was good news. Economies tumbled, jobs lost, lives snuffed away, migrants crisis…all while working alone in office with most of staff doing WFH. (since I live in same building as office, I was attending it everyday). Somewhere in this time of boredom & monotony & era of corona, 1st half of year spent in devouring books voraciously while second half entered the cupid.

Obsessive Bibilophile

        While entire world shifted to online platform and Netflix/Amazon Prime became way to kill time for most, I took to AmazonKindle. I roughly must have read more than 100 books this year (Amazon Kindle says I read 164 books. Though I doubt It or , it must have taken account of all comics and other small books of no relevance. However I definitely read 35+ big books. More on those books in other blog. Like Osho says " For me , Books are love affair". I concur. Btw on flip side, spending so much time gazing at screen also increased my eye sight.

Covid & Cupid

Many have different collections & hobbies like travelling new places or collecting things. I dont travel places. i explore people. esp interesting and unique. i always fall in love with people with passion living or striving for their dreams. i love to listen to their stories of adventure and valour. Struggle & victory etc. I always respect interesting interactions, meeting interesting people. In such pursuit, i happen to meet this person.       

 We hit off from very first moment of interaction. I was dazzled by her sheer energy & exuberance. The calls went late in night. Call it initial euphoria or her infectious electrifying engaging conversation. The cackle of her smile, rolling of her eyes, mischievous glint in her eyes. Bible says “ No one has seen tomorrow” , even I wonder what’s tomorrow or fate of this relationship. I don’t know. Considering my eccentricities & her quirkiness, I really don’t know. But nevertheless my journey on this planet definitely was enriched by her presence & interaction. Moreover This is first time I ever meeting an accomplished - hard working-army officer-entrepreneur  and lovely lady. On flip side, hilariously she remembers date & time of every faux pas of mine and arguement. (so stereotypical yet cute)

 

THE BAD

        2020 has only one theme for entire globe : CORONA VIRUS pandemic. No one escaped its wrath. Rich & poor nations, democracies & dictatorial, East & West, believers & atheists, fanatics & liberals, healthy & unhealthy…no one escaped virus onslaught. Work from Home, Lockdown, Sanitizer, Quarantine has become part of daily language while social distancing, masks , hand santisers became part of our bodies for long time to come.

Corona & Conspiracies :

Is Covid virus man made or accidental leap from animal? Did china unleash virus to dominate world? So many conspiracies feeding internet how china is now buying all American companies after they went bust on stockmarket, how Beijing witnessed less virus though its near Wuhan which is birth place of virus. Did china unleash to take over hong Kong as pro-democratic protest are on rise? Or is it do with latest 5g tech? well, so many stories and I am total conspiracy buff.

THE UGLY:

 New place: Sudden relocation brought in intense bitterness as this is my 4th in last 4 years. Despite all auto positive self suggestion, bitterness just didnt want to leave. Disappointment at fate, disagreement (should i say raging anger & loss of trust) with leadership, anger at my own self followed by intense loneliness & psychological divide & distance with my family within me following the relocation ..all bundle of tumultuous emotions giving birth to new life doctrine which i would be henceforth adapting. All positive words of encouragement by colleagues, self image boosting words from near & dear, tons of self talk from self-help books failed to smoothen the balm over my bruised psyche. However i do intend to make new place best & productive to myself. Inshallah..!!


I wonder what 2021 usher in?. To mock Gods, tell your plans. Man proposes, God disposes.....Yet man achieves. i just want to be better person to myself.

Thursday, November 19, 2020

Random Write up

 Are we puppets while its puppeteer is pulling strings from behind the curtain. All while we believe deceptively that we are incharge of our life/society/world..beunknownst to us lies real power. Invisible & powerful. 


Esoteric & mysticism. Secret societies & conspiracies. Aliens & Gods. All these topics are my childhood obsessions. 


Reading in tons on myriad above mentioned topics makes me feel there are/is certainly  invisible powers that pull strings from behind or direct or interfere our civilization quite often at crucial junctions.


What if dinosaurs were destroyed to make way for new creations. How do we explain new dangerous diseases that come into existence which were never there a century ago? What if such diseases play same role either to keep humans on earth from over population or playing same role as meteor that killed dinosaurs. Alien conspiracy theorists howl from rooftops how pyramids of giza or Mayan pyramids or ancient Indian temples, statues of Easter island etc all have alien connections 




I remember reading books where Osho says (not sure though), when atom bomb was being manufactured,  many scientists or leaders recieved letters to abandon the project  citing terrible dangers associated with atomic power. Similarly Aurobindo, founder of Auroville was revolutionary, but in meditation,  some voice told him to abandon that path as God has created another human (Mahatma Gandhi) to usher in India independence ..similarly Swami siddeswaranada said, Supreme sages of Courtalam entered body of freedom fighter & /or influenced entire direction of India independence struggle. He also said many times Gods had to fight evil powers on astral plane. Pope once happens to say entire Nazi leadership were under influence of Evil/Devil. Bagavatgita says that God descends at all times for certain works or duties which shows that someone from above/behind are always watching over earth/creation.


What do you say? Who watches us over?. Aliens. Gods or both are same?

Saturday, November 7, 2020

Coming out as Dalit..!! (Part-1)

 

Coming out as Dalit..!! (Part-1)

Confession: Iam a Dalit! Saying this, lemme speak further..if possible read further

Coming out as Dalit” is actually wonderful book by Yashica Dutt. (No piracy. Buy the book like I did) Book is memoir of the author and her journey through lens of identity. She was more a closet dalit trying to pass of as high caste lady in north India (Delhi). Thanks to her pretty looks & intellect she does it effortlessly. However post Rohit vemula incident , something in her gets stirred and she comes out boldly and embraces her identity which she has tried to forget if not erase.

I didn’t want to beat around bush and mention in some footnote about my identity hence written at top itself. The book also inspired me to come out in open. Not that I was ever hiding . But like all Dalits in india, they aren’t proud of it either or have moral courage to speak with conviction on their identity.

I read somewhere that In India , Muslim has constantly has to prove his patriotism! Dalit his merit & hardwork! Women her character!.

 

Frankly word caste was never of any importance to me as I never felt the need of it. Growing up in small time schools and colleges, caste was never of significance nor importance. My earliest memory was when house owners wanted to know our caste to which my family subtly put it as “We are telugu or andhraites” which is more linguistic or regional identity than caste idenitity. But I was too small to comprehend & left it there. Joining Central Govt where most of colleagues were from North Indian background (& me being fluent English speaking South Indian ) gave less exposure to caste politics . Moreover I was highly Urbanized English educated & cosmopolitan thinking to join any caste group friends or affiliate with any regional language or state cadre groups.

The First Jolt :

But the 1st experience of caste politics came when I was sitting with some politician , who asked question innocuously. “What is your name?” . I was surprised  as he already knew my name. Again he asked me for my full name. Then it hit me , he wants to know my name so as to identify my caste based on my surname/title. Some where within me this moment hit me , made me defensive. While driving back, I wondered why my body chemistry involuntarily became defensive? Why I lost my over-confident swag?

 

 In that moment, its like ancient memory has woken up. I was literally transported back into time where all castist discrimination, humiliating subtle to direct remarks, those smirks was heaped on my ancestors from today to back to beginning of time. In that micro speck of moment, I could feel what it means to be a Dalit on earth. Like person who woke from deep amnesia, I could see or remember how through out my life I had to experience subtle yet strong caste laced discrimination. Funnily (or foolishly) I hardly recognized any of those as I was always chilled up , very happy going cheerful guy who always got whatever I wanted. So never complained in life.

Now I could see what my high caste gujarati gf (brief relationship decades ago) meant when she said “Praveen, my family wont allow your caste people even at my gate” (I was too dazzled by her to think import of her words btw), or when my tutor constant remarks “Praveen, why are you working so hard, you can easily get through exam” (Btw I was always damn good in science). I realized why Ekalavya & Karna had to face heap of insults due to accident of their low caste birth in mahabaratha. Why Ambedkar is reviled in contemporary india.

The second major jolt came when I got my first promotion. Entire department went ballistic with remarks accusing that I got my promotion only coz of my caste. What conveniently people forgot was I was hardest worker in my posting who delivered results beyond expectations within least resources and worked successfully in tough posting and was transferred more number of times than any of my contemporaries (btw many blame my repeated transfer on caste once again though I never believed it. More on that later). My knowledge in my subject of work is second to none and yet people doubted my efficiency. The barrage of accusations were so many & stinging that, frankly I really regretted accepting the promotion. I should have left the promotion and lived peacefully and unknown.

 

studying history makes you feel like you undertsood something. unless you lived through it, personally felt its consequence , you may not undertsand it " -- Psychology of money

 

COMING OUT AS DALIT (PART 2)

 

Coming out as Dalit..!! (Part-2)

 

 Introspection and contemplation

To be honest, I live my life kingsize. Whatever I wanted I achieved and my bucket list is always empty. But when you are in interacting with society , the caste matter definitely arises. My family had courage to give up caste certificate with next generation children admitting themselves in open category. But I know by doing it nothing would change.

Like I said iam never part of any groups or gangs. Call it spiritual inspiration, I chose not be part of any identity. Iam not radical or rebel fighting for rights or screaming loudly from roof tops. I understand caste based discrimination is here to stay. And it has reduced considerably and change will take centuries to happen. But at times when reality and identity based discrimination hits you on face, its hard to ignore.  

I read this “Racism , discrimination , bias do not come from the big moments. Its in small actions that mount up over time “

In Hathras (Uttar Pradesh) , when Dalit lady was raped by criminals & later body burnt (cremated is too polite) by State police, it shows how Dalits are institutionally discriminated by State. Would a non-dalit lady body be cremated by police if she isn’t dalit? Would she even be raped of she were a high caste dalit?. What about gross discrimination in premier colleges like AIIMS where dalit students are grossly sidelined & horrible ragging they have to undergo. While there was nationwide rage over rape cum murder of high caste Disha  in Hyderabad, same rape of street hawker of inferior caste didn’t catch attention of major media. While there was candle lit procession for jesscia lal death at India gate, the horrible rape of dalit family by high caste in Kairlanj in same period was ignored. Routine atrocities like dalit beaten coz they dared to sport moustache, sit on horse, had guts to open small eatery etc now hardly stirs any reaction, not even from Dalits any longer. Untouchbility is Indian reality both in rural and urban milieu.

When basic diginity is seized by high caste hindus, its not surprising that Dalits get converted to other religions. (Btw caste follows them there also..thats another story..).

Ruckus over Reservations

Iam sure every dalit was made to feel guilty for getting reservations in educations and jobs. But isn’t Reservations exist everywhere in world? America has affirmative action for blacks, yet USA is worlds powerful country. If people blame Dalits for Indians backwardness, what does it also say about non-dalit efficiency?. Arent crores in form tax breaks for industrialists is form of reservations ?.While most of Indians blame entire Indian backwardness on Reservations, I wonder what their source of this knowledge is if not for emotional rhetoric. There is no reservations in armed forces, then why did we lose 1962 war & how do you justify so many deaths in insurgency. If reservations pull back India , why isn’t any Indian private company in top 10 global companies while govt companies like ISRO,OIL,LIC etc are world class where reservations exist. In science & sports there is no reservation, then how come there are no windfall winners in Olympics & Nobel prize winners? How many Oscars did Indian film industry win afterall there is no reservations in film industry? I think we Indians as society ,all want to look scapegoats for collective failures and Dalits here are the fall guys. I strongly believe any society cant grow exclusively. Its swim or sink together. Only when all sections of society grow at same time, nation would flourish and grow.

check another small post on this link: 

http://matrixstrikesback.blogspot.com/2018/08/controversially-yours-curious-hate-case.html


Many Dalit organisations or intellectuals fight for caste elimination or radical measures. While not discounting their efforts, I personally don’t believe in any radical forceful change. Such change will eventually fail. Change should be slow and steady. Natural and organic. Radical change will only results in problems manifesting in another forms. We have to agree we moved far ahead as society but still miles to go. Iam optimistic, maybe in 100 or so years, all this will change. You cant expect 5000 year malaise to go in 70 years. Saying this, I don’t support migration to other religions as well. As caste mentality follows them there as well.  my friend was introduced in a church as high caste Christian ironically.

Final word..!

Like I said, iam no radical or rebel. I just prefer to live my life quietly. Iam no leader or messiah out to change the world or society. I respect every human who is trying to better his life by sweat on brow. Iam not going to justify or debate or argue on pros & cons. My life is very short and I prefer to live for myself. Saying this, I will do my bit for this society and world which has blessed me with such abundance. I want friends to know my identity and make their opinion or judgement whatever. I also want to say, I make no value judgments . I understand others predicaments in their daily dealing with me. I hold no offense. Some people will remain, some go away. Whatever it is Life is beautiful.  Que sera , sera- Whatever will be, will be..!  

 

 

 

 

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Gurus, Godmen & Seekers

 

GURUS & GODMEN

 

Recently I was listening to some lady diatribe on one of popular guru of south India. She was ranting how he was fake & cheated her and millions like her. Her name was Sarah landry and the guru was Paramahamsa Nityananda who now attained cult status for his apparently comic statements like “ he would make cats talk Sanskrit”” he is an alien” & he started his own nation called Kailasa!!! Youtube is filled with his jokes already but police don’t find it amusing. There are several cases including rape, child harassment etc. All while some time ago Netflix coming with program “Wild Wild Country”, program on controversial guru of 70s, The Osho! Back then he was considered so dangerous that even his plane was not allowed to fly in dozen nations airspaces. His famous disciple “Maa Sheela” has come into spotlight as Osho is no more. Other program which was in talks was Bikram Yoga founder for alleged sexual advances which I have no clue about.

 

Are they fraud or not, I don’t know. I personally have flirted with many gurus. I read their books, practiced their methods of meditations, enjoyed their videos on youtube etc. At different points of my life I enjoyed the wisdom of Yogananda, Iskon, Nityananda, Sadguru, Sri Sri (I do Sudarshan kriya irregularly regular), Om Swami (not big boss wala), Swami Rama of Himalayan masters, Bruce lee,Naval Ravikanth etc etc. At all these points many people called them frauds and many (esp Beautiful ladies) encouraged me to be part of their group.

Lemme tell you my opinion on if they are Fraud, Not really fraud, Could they be fraud?

Yes, many times they could be fraud. But lets not under estimate our own stupidity of giving our life savings to imaginary utopia promised in few sessions. Some courses in Nityanadna or Sadguru are too expensive for ordinary person. Yogananda in some speech says till a person gains complete enlightenement , there is every chance of him falling back to worse than ordinary human beings,

Possibly all these saints were genuine seekers who fell from grace or had given up in between. Now armed with some shaktis or siddhis, they are out to earn Money/opp sex/fame which they sacrificed in pursuit of truth.  And in another instance maybe we are still too novices to comprehend higher truth spoken by them. For example, Nityananda “Me, Me, Me”(popular trolling video) was made fun of. But on closer observation, what he said was profound. Aham Brhamsami is explained in that manner which somehow didn’t click with many.

Iam not defending anyone nor I promote anyone (But Radhe Maa was 100% funny & Dera Sacha Ram Rahim was very gaudy) . But I definitely find fault with seeker falling foolishly. How can someone be so brainwashed that they cant see his/her masters faults. But again , can this be Masters leela for strengthening seeker growth? Maa Sheela was kicked out of Osho sangha . maybe her attachment is impediment to her spiritual growth. I read somewhere : Ananda was most devoted to Buddha yet while many disciples experienced Ultimate and moved on, Ananda still struck on. Once he asked Buddha why he isn’t yet enlightened? Buddha replied “You are still attached to me”. Ananda countered that if he cant be attached to Buddha, who else can he attached to for him, Buddha is final. He cant dream life without Buddha. Buddha calmly said “This is truth” only when buddha died, in enormous grief, Ananda is said to be enlightened or so story goes

Many a times Masters don’t care social conventions or rules of world as they are above them. Their games for spiritual growth of student are incomprehensible. Saying that we never know if we are being taken for ride or being uplifted. Even Sri Sri Ravi Shankar had to walk out from his Guru , only then he was able to bloom completely.

I always believe every Master has something to offer. Take it. Take the wisdom & internalize it. Whether one wants to become andha-bhakt or grow himself is left to seeker. There is no choice but to go trail & error in searching right Guru. I think most of time, seeker gets screwed coz rather trusting self effort, h/she expects quick results by appeasing master. Often seeker themselves have no clear defined spiritual goal just hang around Master for self interest or greed for power etc.

 

The phenomenon called Chanchal

 Like breeze you came Like breeze you left. In between you created uncontrollable tornado. How & where we met is forgotten but impact ...