Sunday, October 17, 2010

An Artificial Hyperbole Tribute

FRANKLIN J HERBERT OF CMC, VELLORE , TAMIL NADU


"Each friend represents a world in us , a world possibly not born until they arrive n its only by this meeting that a new world is born"


Well. .Lemme introduce stars of this blog and protagonists..Praveen Sagar and Frank Of CMC.or Frank O C or plainly FOC

First things First.!


Praveen Sagar
: (Less said the better as nothing worth n much is there to say., I will churn up some lies taking literary license )

Insult of century .if u donno who iam U belong to race of Ignorant , Pre Historic Homosapiens , Aliens, n illiterate who lack basic Google search engine in vicinity ..err Don’t feel bad n lonely ..even i belong that bunch of ignorant chaps...whatever…Google up my name u wud fine some millions of sites dedicated to me in English and few billion in Russian and French n other unknown tribal languages n junglee script less languages ..Or according to a Mauritian gals misled conception and mistaken perception Iam 10% Flesh 10% Bones and 80% Ego.


Frankie ‘O C :

Frankie. He was the best guitarist who does more head banging in his concerts which none of the planet folk have ever seen. He is absolute giant killer. Man of charisma .Where ever He goes , he exudes charisma Just like his counterparts and fellow buddies Napoleon Bonaparte, Julius Caesar, Laloo prasad and Rajini kanth and his test tube baby-son "Robo" .Where ever he goes , he leaves his mark behind. No wonder everyone loves this rotund potbelly boy Franklin Herbert of CMC . To reinforce my arguments lemme quote few anecdotes.






Kakaitya institute was Indias famous coaching centre for aspiring medicos in Hyderabad. Dozens of its students make it to AIIMs/CMC/Jipmer etc every year .However 3 years after frank pa joined it.,it had to be down its shutters. such is the aura of frank pa the great ..We both have ravenous appetite for dosas .Infact Frank pa has super size appetite for anything that has life ,edible , both herbivorous, carnivorous ..after all he is Omnivorous. Gobbling Dozens of Dosas at Arun house was just another feather in his cap. He gobbled up all dosas leaving nothing for his family including their much guarded super secret family’s old Dosas recipe which was their familys most preserved recipe for 9 generations. Ask arun., if u don’t believe me .He is on my FB.


Frank pa is man with 10% water 10% alcohol 199% Biriyani. Quite a bodily constitution .(Mind you none below 60 years should try Franks feats n stunts involving triple masala in biryani unless backed by expert medical supervision and guidance )




He was ultimate favorite for all hotel-biryani-haleem makers in hyderabad.Infact all Hydi biriyani restaurents have menus like this
Chiken biriyani-ordinary
chicken biriyani-special
chiken biriyani-franklin(Which means triple masala or hyper spicy)

.We used to dig into tons of biryanis as early as ...errr ..3 am ..yeah 3 am ...I eat 1/4 and frank pa gobbles rest of all. That includes chewed over bones..feathers..polythene covers ...n all that extra masala ...He is the only chap who can eat biryani with triple masala and still see his weight never increases even micro gram...actually it never increases coz i found out his weight is more than what weighing machine can measure upto.for this phenomenal discovery i was awarded Nobel prize for physics 2012 ..but i refused to take it coz i have yet to identify the machine material its made up of and how come its not cracking or at least creaking under his weight...the after effects of all those hydi biriyanis made me lose the only two pack abs i have developed and frankie gained twice the size of family packs on tummy that forced him to buy all new set of clothes ..now world knows why market loves him . In fact Apparel markets have three sizes in their shops to suit Franks pa’s ever increasing belly .”Small. Medium. Frank pa Polar bear size”

We also share several other hobbies like reading graphical books. I love graphical comics which were meant for Kids and he loved graphical books which were meant for Adults and impotents who have to be happy by just visuals even if the book is in telugu and other unknown languages.

The best part of him is that he is certified genius (in entire CMC hospital every one knows him fer his intelligence in medical stream..esp anatomy and more specifically female and animal or she-animal anatomy) in medic and music.He is someway related to Hippocrates from fathers side and Charka(Father of Plastic surgery) from Mother side.His Father is in CMC.His Mother is in CMNC.All His ancestors to present generation in his family are born and died in CMc hospital. So no wonder that ,Medical knowledge runs in his blood. He is born Anatomist(esp n only female),Guitarist(Electric n Givson), Biryanist (Only Hyderabadi) all rolled into one.

. ...He is credited for teaching me to playing hit song of nineties ...1st four seconds tune of MI-2 music ....probably which is only line he cud strum...again i say he is musical genius ..who played only fer aliens of far galaxy ...apart from 4 second tune on guitar , iam grateful for many things esp in Realm of Romance








Frank pa gave his sermon on knowing that I am going to Vizag from Mangalore. One has to listen to Frank pa for he was the only man in my known circle who had regaled the company of women from India and Sweden. He had affairs everywhere.India,Sweden and Men’s Hostel...This is not the 1st time he was giving me Man-to Man talk. When i as in engineering graduate and was sharing some sweet nothings with voluptuous Tamil gal (Hence forth TG), he came to my rescue by teaching me smattering Tamil. This Tamil born Hydi frank pa is better than Hydi born Tamil Arun who taught me zero Tamil. He taught me the ropes in handling women esp Tamil dames,.

He use to say , to capture her heart, learn Three important words which are keys to any gals heart.

I Love you??..i interrupted?

Frank: No

Frank : “Yes, No, Sorry” ..in same order or any combination as long as she is happy

I tried these 3 magical copyrighted words and got wonderful results


When TG asked me ..If she has gone dark after her holiday in Tamilnadu

I would say ..No

Pleased she would ask If her dress is ok that day

I would say Yes. Irrespective her dress is similar to pink panther

When she screams(tats her hobby and iam her boxing bag) saying i hardly looked at her when answering I would say ...Sorry ...All are Happy






After his 1st Pyar Ka super Hit formula Worked ., he gave his 2nd formula to win the Tamil gals heart .

Round 1 has helped me to gain foothold even in the girls family hearts. NOW I am her household name who is prospective man to this cute Tamil babe With enhanced confidence i moved to

Scene 1 Round 2 Take 3 Camera, Lights ,Action:

Round 2 .:After coming from her annual holiday from their home town in extreme tip of India , Her mom had brought her Prospective Son-in-law (which is me) Banana chips (My favourite) and asked Tamil girl to invite me to home (Its no ordinary invitation, It was meant to asses me , scrutinize me, Test me medically, physically mentally financially emotionally in least inhuman way by prospective in-laws)

I was equally ready .I studied Tamil history, geography, all famous people in tamil nadu politics n cinema (in tamilnadu both politicians and film heroes are same n interchangeable).Done some exercises to build invisible muscles. And most importantly took HR classes from Frank pa



Frank pa: no matter what the gal says now..Remember the magical words

Me: sorry/Yes/No?

Frank Pa: No, No....

Me. just No and No ?

Frank Pa..Nooooooo Noooooooooo (now he is banging his head to wall)

Me..ok ..nasal long Noooooo

Frank ..ok..see..its not :no no :..Its Nann enni Kadalicrane

Me: What does that mean ?

Frank: Doesnt matter .Its one cool line which opens all doors to a tamil women’s heart


Scene 2 Take 3 Camera Lights Action


I was in Tgs home .But the gals is not ready yet to meet me .Hence i was still talking to mother who is looking me through microscope lenses and Telescope lenses (Taking both Long term and short term view of me).I became tense and to ease my nervousness i thought of impressing her by speaking in Tamil .Nervously I mumbled magic words which frank pa has trained me all night..

Me: Aunty.eeerrrr... Nann enni kadal icrane

Aunty: She opened her mouth just like anoncomda swallowing its prey and screamed ..Whaaaaaaaaaaat ? (in tamil)

Me. Yes (in English)

Aunty: But u love my daughter (in tamil)

Me: No (in english)

Aunty: What the hell do u mean by proposing me ?(in tamil)

Me: Sorry (english)

After this incident I never saw the gal again.I came to know that Naan enni kadal i crane means I love u in tamil ...and later ., There was curfew for me to call her or meet her and she was shipped of to usa where she is happy with better guy right now at this moment. Thus collapsed my 1st tamil romance.Probably this is the worst defeat an Indian could have faced in war after defeat in chinese war of 1962.But i picked up from where thinsg were left in Gujaurathi Romance episode


When i was transferred from Mangalore to vizag ...He gave a sermon like any genius in Female Affairs which is part of External affairs ministry..he gave gospel that is strictly man-to-man talk....


Praveen ..Mangalore is small town but not Vizag.Before knowing abt Vizag,, remember that in every man there are 3 phases.

In 1st phase ..Man craves for companionship of Canine

2nd phase He craves for companion ship of Female'

3rd phase He bites female and craves for companionship of Canine again ..so smart ones dive from 1st phase to 3rd directly bypassing the 2nd phase.


Frankie: listen ..Mangalore is small town but vizag is big place and vizag is more known for its .....he looked at me quizzically as he was expecting me to complete him

Me: Shipyard ..Natural coast ....eastern naval command ..submarines..dolphins ..andhra pickles ..my mouth already started to water... Ports ..Natural harbour..Beaches..Borra Caves...Eastern Naval Command ..Submarines .i rambled like machine gun non stop ., hoping to win some brownie points from great frank pa ..alas it wasn’t meant to be...


Frankie: he held his hand to head wondering where all his training in ymca-hyd went . He gave a look that he reserves for something disgusting bacteria under electron microscope..No u duffer ..


Frankie : see...u keep that nerdy-geeky gk for exams ...not for real life .,..like a scholar he raised his hands giving sermon on mount like Moses before he parted Red Sea ....vizag is famous for women who are ravenous nymphomaniacs. .and would gang bang any new comers ..so....blah blah ..blah ..more blah blahs..many many more blahs....

i dont know what he spoke as i was already on lanes of vizag with dozens of women showing their molestations skills ...even now at that thought ..i started watering but not mouth.... Dreams of dozens of beautiful women fighting for me ...wow what a lovely day dream ...only to be awakened from stupor by franklins continuing sermons how to evade them keeping my purity intact.



Well ..Well

And here I am 3 months since i stepped on soil of vizag enduring its sultry weather adn hyper expensive prices and i have yet to meet even a single women who has gone head over heels ..or at least recognized my existence

So much for Love guru Frank Pa's ideology..

(The Adventures of Frank Pa continued to inspire generations ...Though now he changed his ideology ..from Dogs being the mans best friend he changed to “Bike being the Mans best friend)

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