Journey& Journal of Desi Singleton
Where should I start? Is being single joyful or jarring? Well,
it’s both. My Bosses always relish in saying “You are free, what work you have
in home, let family men go early etc”. I wanna say (though never said for
routine obvious reasons hahaha) We singleton have more work and things to worry
about than married family men. I ve to be both wife-husband, parents-children ,
master-maid etc. all roles rolled into one person and to be done by one man. There is no someone to do
domestic backoffice job (like paying bills, cleaning house, vehicle service etc). Worst case scenario is when/if
you fall ill. You have to fend yourself.
Saying this, Ive my own advantage. I can
be more bolder than rest. I can relish my own hobbies and lots of Me-time. Splurge money as there is not many to share with.
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| Lazy& confused. slipper or shoes? |
Again there are times your brain
feeds on itself. Being alone can bring in dormant demons to life. Loneliness can
be at times dangerously excruciating.(Many go lunatic & even commit
suicide) No one to talk or share your inner most feelings. No near or dear. I think
many of couples quarrel due to lack of inner peace & outer attention to
self. Arguments and quarrels might be way to feed inner ego and kill time/boredom.
Human mind abhors vacuum and idleness. It always wants to feed on something or,….someone..No choice or no defensive mechanisms. you have to fight your own devils.
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| decade old pic from west coast |
Saying that there were times your
(my) inner child craves applause from near&dear. “I finished my Race, I got
promoted, I got raise, I read this awesome book or watched this wonderful film!”.
But when I looked around, I had none with whom I could share. I just walk off
quietly. There could be 1000s of adventure photos of mine lying untouched or
unseen. Even by myself.
But yet no regrets. This is life I have
chosen. (hope my confidence doesn’t break down till death). Iam not easy man to
be in relationship with. On one end I ve strong sense of opinions and on other
end iam very nonchalant & comfortable and enjoy my ignorance. Queer mix of intelligence
& ignorance.And at times, outright stupid.
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| No choice. Fight devils alone! |
I can be lazy or lousy
or leap at speed of light. No one to control me. I can be lazy bum or ecstatic ballistic
missile. I can talk nonstop for hours on my favourite topics or be stone cold
silent for days. I can make my own decisions even if they go wrong without
absolute fear of society, friends or relatives or apes in amazon. I hate pple
trying to impose their views&decisions. I would certainly listen to all, respect
their advice&expertise. From there I decide on my own. This upsets many.
But this is my life. I give you freedom and now I take mine. Nothing personal.
Being alone for so long that I forgot how to live with other
person under same roof intimately or even share your life with others. I jealously
guard my privacy. I keep my life very lean & in control. No unnecessary material
goods or humans or even opinions.(call it japanese art of minimalism or My art of laziness)
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| Books keep me Sane |
Probing deeper I wonder if iam 100% alone? I don’t think
so. If married people hang to their Loan EMI&Investments wife&kids,
gossip& relationships etc I hold on to my dreams, hobbies which are
endless. Maybe I should say I ve less human contacts but not with life in
general.
So is being alone & single good or bad? Well, maybe both. Depends
on person to person & time to time. One man can suffer for not being
married and another man suffer coz he is married. one man is seeking partner while other is running away from partner. You see what I mean? I believe
it’s better you suffer for your own choices than choices imposed by society.
