Random Write up

 Are we puppets while its puppeteer is pulling strings from behind the curtain. All while we believe deceptively that we are incharge of our life/society/world..beunknownst to us lies real power. Invisible & powerful. 

Esoteric & mysticism. Secret societies & conspiracies. Aliens & Gods. All these topics are my childhood obsessions. 

Reading in tons on myriad above mentioned topics makes me feel there are/is certainly  invisible powers that pull strings from behind or direct or interfere our civilization quite often at crucial junctions.

What if dinosaurs were destroyed to make way for new creations. How do we explain new dangerous diseases that come into existence which were never there a century ago? What if such diseases play same role either to keep humans on earth from over population or playing same role as meteor that killed dinosaurs. Alien conspiracy theorists howl from rooftops how pyramids of giza or Mayan pyramids or ancient Indian temples, statues of Easter island etc all have alien connections 

I remember reading books where Osho says (not sure though), when atom bomb was being manufactured,  many scientists or leaders recieved letters to abandon the project  citing terrible dangers associated with atomic power. Similarly Aurobindo, founder of Auroville was revolutionary, but in meditation,  some voice told him to abandon that path as God has created another human (Mahatma Gandhi) to usher in India independence ..similarly Swami siddeswaranada said, Supreme sages of Courtalam entered body of freedom fighter & /or influenced entire direction of India independence struggle. He also said many times Gods had to fight evil powers on astral plane. Pope once happens to say entire Nazi leadership were under influence of Evil/Devil. Bagavatgita says that God descends at all times for certain works or duties which shows that someone from above/behind are always watching over earth/creation.

What do you say? Who watches us over?. Aliens. Gods or both are same?

Coming out as Dalit..!! (Part-1)

 

Coming out as Dalit..!! (Part-1)

Confession: Iam a Dalit! Saying this, lemme speak further..if possible read further

“Coming out as Dalit” is actually wonderful book by Yashica Dutt. (No piracy. Buy the book like I did) Book is memoir of the author and her journey through lens of identity. She was more a closet dalit trying to pass of as high caste lady in north India (Delhi). Thanks to her pretty looks & intellect she does it effortlessly. However post Rohit vemula incident , something in her gets stirred and she comes out boldly and embraces her identity which she has tried to forget if not erase.

I didn’t want to beat around bush and mention in some footnote about my identity hence written at top itself. The book also inspired me to come out in open. Not that I was ever hiding . But like all Dalits in india, they aren’t proud of it either or have moral courage to speak with conviction on their identity.

I read somewhere that In India , Muslim has constantly has to prove his patriotism! Dalit his merit & hardwork! Women her character!.

 

Frankly word caste was never of any importance to me as I never felt the need of it. Growing up in small time schools and colleges, caste was never of significance nor importance. My earliest memory was when house owners wanted to know our caste to which my family subtly put it as “We are telugu or andhraites” which is more linguistic or regional identity than caste idenitity. But I was too small to comprehend & left it there. Joining Central Govt where most of colleagues were from North Indian background (& me being fluent English speaking South Indian ) gave less exposure to caste politics . Moreover I was highly Urbanized English educated & cosmopolitan thinking to join any caste group friends or affiliate with any regional language or state cadre groups.

The First Jolt :

But the 1^st experience of caste politics came when I was sitting with some politician , who asked question innocuously. “What is your name?” . I was surprised  as he already knew my name. Again he asked me for my full name. Then it hit me , he wants to know my name so as to identify my caste based on my surname/title. Some where within me this moment hit me , made me defensive. While driving back, I wondered why my body chemistry involuntarily became defensive? Why I lost my over-confident swag?

 

 In that moment, its like ancient memory has woken up. I was literally transported back into time where all castist discrimination, humiliating subtle to direct remarks, those smirks was heaped on my ancestors from today to back to beginning of time. In that micro speck of moment, I could feel what it means to be a Dalit on earth. Like person who woke from deep amnesia, I could see or remember how through out my life I had to experience subtle yet strong caste laced discrimination. Funnily (or foolishly) I hardly recognized any of those as I was always chilled up , very happy going cheerful guy who always got whatever I wanted. So never complained in life.

Now I could see what my high caste gujarati gf (brief relationship decades ago) meant when she said “Praveen, my family wont allow your caste people even at my gate” (I was too dazzled by her to think import of her words btw), or when my tutor constant remarks “Praveen, why are you working so hard, you can easily get through exam” (Btw I was always damn good in science). I realized why Ekalavya & Karna had to face heap of insults due to accident of their low caste birth in mahabaratha. Why Ambedkar is reviled in contemporary india.

The second major jolt came when I got my first promotion. Entire department went ballistic with remarks accusing that I got my promotion only coz of my caste. What conveniently people forgot was I was hardest worker in my posting who delivered results beyond expectations within least resources and worked successfully in tough posting and was transferred more number of times than any of my contemporaries (btw many blame my repeated transfer on caste once again though I never believed it. More on that later). My knowledge in my subject of work is second to none and yet people doubted my efficiency. The barrage of accusations were so many & stinging that, frankly I really regretted accepting the promotion. I should have left the promotion and lived peacefully and unknown.

 

studying history makes you feel like you undertsood something. unless you lived through it, personally felt its consequence , you may not undertsand it " -- Psychology of money

 

COMING OUT AS DALIT (PART 2)

 

Coming out as Dalit..!! (Part-2)

 

 Introspection and contemplation

To be honest, I live my life kingsize. Whatever I wanted I achieved and my bucket list is always empty. But when you are in interacting with society , the caste matter definitely arises. My family had courage to give up caste certificate with next generation children admitting themselves in open category. But I know by doing it nothing would change.

Like I said iam never part of any groups or gangs. Call it spiritual inspiration, I chose not be part of any identity. Iam not radical or rebel fighting for rights or screaming loudly from roof tops. I understand caste based discrimination is here to stay. And it has reduced considerably and change will take centuries to happen. But at times when reality and identity based discrimination hits you on face, its hard to ignore.  

I read this “Racism , discrimination , bias do not come from the big moments. Its in small actions that mount up over time “

In Hathras (Uttar Pradesh) , when Dalit lady was raped by criminals & later body burnt (cremated is too polite) by State police, it shows how Dalits are institutionally discriminated by State. Would a non-dalit lady body be cremated by police if she isn’t dalit? Would she even be raped of she were a high caste dalit?. What about gross discrimination in premier colleges like AIIMS where dalit students are grossly sidelined & horrible ragging they have to undergo. While there was nationwide rage over rape cum murder of high caste Disha  in Hyderabad, same rape of street hawker of inferior caste didn’t catch attention of major media. While there was candle lit procession for jesscia lal death at India gate, the horrible rape of dalit family by high caste in Kairlanj in same period was ignored. Routine atrocities like dalit beaten coz they dared to sport moustache, sit on horse, had guts to open small eatery etc now hardly stirs any reaction, not even from Dalits any longer. Untouchbility is Indian reality both in rural and urban milieu.

When basic diginity is seized by high caste hindus, its not surprising that Dalits get converted to other religions. (Btw caste follows them there also..thats another story..).

Ruckus over Reservations

Iam sure every dalit was made to feel guilty for getting reservations in educations and jobs. But isn’t Reservations exist everywhere in world? America has affirmative action for blacks, yet USA is worlds powerful country. If people blame Dalits for Indians backwardness, what does it also say about non-dalit efficiency?. Arent crores in form tax breaks for industrialists is form of reservations ?.While most of Indians blame entire Indian backwardness on Reservations, I wonder what their source of this knowledge is if not for emotional rhetoric. There is no reservations in armed forces, then why did we lose 1962 war & how do you justify so many deaths in insurgency. If reservations pull back India , why isn’t any Indian private company in top 10 global companies while govt companies like ISRO,OIL,LIC etc are world class where reservations exist. In science & sports there is no reservation, then how come there are no windfall winners in Olympics & Nobel prize winners? How many Oscars did Indian film industry win afterall there is no reservations in film industry? I think we Indians as society ,all want to look scapegoats for collective failures and Dalits here are the fall guys. I strongly believe any society cant grow exclusively. Its swim or sink together. Only when all sections of society grow at same time, nation would flourish and grow.

check another small post on this link: 

http://matrixstrikesback.blogspot.com/2018/08/controversially-yours-curious-hate-case.html

Many Dalit organisations or intellectuals fight for caste elimination or radical measures. While not discounting their efforts, I personally don’t believe in any radical forceful change. Such change will eventually fail. Change should be slow and steady. Natural and organic. Radical change will only results in problems manifesting in another forms. We have to agree we moved far ahead as society but still miles to go. Iam optimistic, maybe in 100 or so years, all this will change. You cant expect 5000 year malaise to go in 70 years. Saying this, I don’t support migration to other religions as well. As caste mentality follows them there as well.  my friend was introduced in a church as high caste Christian ironically.

Final word..!

Like I said, iam no radical or rebel. I just prefer to live my life quietly. Iam no leader or messiah out to change the world or society. I respect every human who is trying to better his life by sweat on brow. Iam not going to justify or debate or argue on pros & cons. My life is very short and I prefer to live for myself. Saying this, I will do my bit for this society and world which has blessed me with such abundance. I want friends to know my identity and make their opinion or judgement whatever. I also want to say, I make no value judgments . I understand others predicaments in their daily dealing with me. I hold no offense. Some people will remain, some go away. Whatever it is Life is beautiful.  Que sera , sera- Whatever will be, will be..!