Thursday, October 6, 2011

Its Mad Mad World Folks...!!!

I would have never stepped into train to banglore if not being tricked by semi-jumbo Ashish.He convinced me that our tickets to Bangalore got conformed but only to find that we two had to share a single berth.Only positive point is that both our physical features are oppsite.He is just little heavier than sumo wrestler and iam lean n tall as girafee.With these contrasting bodies we were able to fit perfectly in single berth of Prashanti express.Ashish for those who dont know him is near-perfectionist(one step lower than Amir khan and 2 inches taller than salman khan n 30 inches and 30 grams fatter than Adnan sami).He does everything perfectly.He is a long distance planner and a Street Smart executive.You can find his next 10 day to 10 year schedule tight.

In order to beat him in his game of perfectionism, I planned hardest part of travel all by my own sweat and expense."ITS FOOD FOLKS ".Foodies and Health concious people like me and Ashish will never eat in rly stations hence i planned entire food-programme for the journey.Rice n curry fer lunch.Dozen Pulkas and curry for dinner.Sprouts for next day breakfast(incase u didnt get chance to brush teeth).Digestive biscuits for movie snacks(Ashsih had laptop loaded with films and
Fredrick forsyth Odessa file novel which i intended to complete).Two 2-litre bisleri water.Plates.Fruits for emergency backup.And a big bag to carry all this small picnic food..






I was expecting Ashish to display his street smart negotiating skills with TT for spare berth but Ashish did what he did the best in his office working hoours."Sleeping"."Snoring".Both sleeping and snoring together .He woke up only for shortintervals just like commercial breaks in serials. For food.These commercial food breaks were at lunch and dinner.So he successfully slept for 24 hours except for dinner and lunch breaks.TT,when he came to check our tickets, looking at Ashish shape under blankets felt like an gigantic Anaconda was sleeping under blankets giving out odd noises(his musical snores).He alloted a berth for me on feeling pity seeing me tightly crouching in one corner of berth as if iam soon-to-be victim to Sleeping Anoconda.No one dared to walk past Ashishs berth fearing when Anoconda might spring up from blankets and gobble up.Even when we reached bangalore, Our Ashish was still snoring and i had to pull the blanekts from his big tummy and shake him to wake him up.Co-Passengers gave a sigh of relief on knowing that creature under blankets was just Ashish the modern day Kumbhakarna but not Anoconda as they assumed.

Our Training in Bangalore was more like a paid holiday.Food in hotel was so good that 1st people to be at Buffet and last people to leave buffet was Myself ad Ashish..

Traning Sessions began at 930 am wnd went till late evening giving us litle chance to explore city.But Ashish gave full value for money by watching Kanada-Telugu movies till late night.(I was busy writing this blog).Here we happen to meet different people from different branches .Each person looked at another as if other fellow from other branch is some bacteria under microscope.When i came across the 1st person, all i coud see him was only his chest part., as another part of hs body was high in another floor,His name is NKMishra.He is as tall as telephone tower.No wonder what ever phone he uses , he has clear connection to all networks even when there is none.Everyone in our organistaion knows Mishra.After all "Gyara mulk ke Dons uska peeche hai..."(for messing with their wives,daughters,gfs).He is the one and only one who spoke his heart saying that our AGM was very beautful in front of entire top brass which included our Managing Director.No wonder when our Gabbar Mishra walks in Hotel corridors , all pretty women hide under their beds in their rooms.Sticking to Mishraji was DJSingh from Baroda.Our DJsingh is no DJ (Disc jockey) nor he is "Singh is King"Sardar.He is just Bhag Bhag D.J.Singh bhag bhag(coz Andhi called Mishraji is coming).






On brighter side There is glamour factor as well in form of some females who unwittingly,unlukcily and forcibly landed in these jobs.First was Ujala Raman(No way ie she related Nobel laureate CV raman) whom i saw at lunch buffet when i was having my Round 3(my last round) and when Ashish was on Round 12( and he was just getting warmed up). Humans have one tongue.Snakes and other reptiles have 2 tongues(fork tongues) but ujala had 5 tongues,each speaking Telugu,Tamil,Malayalam,English,Hindi.(now in process of gaining punjabi as well).When Ujala starts her verbal pyrotechniques., none has chance to speak back.She is straight to point and precise and impossible to be defeated in arguement.No wonder when she lashed out her 5 tongues, all our tongues rolled back into mouth..

We guys reacted differently to her speeches.Ashish escaped from his seat for his Round 14 in buffet.Djsingh was awe struck.I was dumb struck.But Mishrajis face changed all colours u find in colour TV.He has fallen in Love-at-First-Sight for the millionth time in his life.All in a suuden he started doing bhangra n kungfu to impress her.Like in Sharukh khans "Main hu Na." DJsingh started playing guiter around Mishraji who now is already in dream world.,and when all this was happening Ashish went for Round 15 and i was toooo dumbstruck to think or do anything.Mishraji is braver than Commando who like sunny deol can wipe out entire paksitani army by single roar.I felt dead sure that he is going to propose her on the spot like he did fer all his gfs in past.

One look at Ujalas eyes, one can tell she is no ordinary gal who will take things in easy way.Already she flexed her bicep muscles twice to warn Mishraji on things thats gonna come.Seeing two parties on warpath i silently wondered what are the ambulance and police phone numbers in bangalore.I felt little happy and comforting to have Ashish next to me as i felt when these two people start their Word War-1, We both can escape quietly but Ashish was ....phew ...is at buffet for Round 17.

I know there is going to be lot of blood on floor now . Mishraji made his killer move and Ujala readied herself with all countermoves she knows in all languages she knows..I tightly closed my eyes.As total darkness enevloped me.i heard no noise but chilling silence.Slowly i opened one eye .unable to belive what i saw i opened another eye as well.There i saw Ujala as angry as Chandi n Kali and our playboy Mishraji on his knees with camera in his hand as he was singing Matajis slokas to calm ujalas fire like temper .He just wanted to take her photo.Ujala gave a very firm curt "NO" for his request .But Misraji was still in his pleadng mode.One photo.Kodak moment.Canon picture.Colgate smile.Please...None of his pleas went answerd by Ujala.I wonder if she refused coz the request came suddenly or its just Ujala forgot to put her one ton make up.But for Mishraji ., Make up or no Make up ..She is still Goddess with full of grace and Divine aura(Probably Mishraji wanted to keep her photo with other deities in his puja room and do puja daily)

When all this Adult rated drama was going on Live, one person was at the site with no emotion,expression on her face.I wondered who that girl was,How can she be so calm when such a big commotion was taking place infront of her eyes.??.Then i realised this Bhopali girl was sitting next to me all through 3 day training yet i hardly noticed her.When entire class laughed ,she kept quiet.When entire class roared .She kept quiet.When Ashish went for Round 21, She was still in her Round no 1 .I wondered how this left handed Bhopali could maintain her silence with such a dignity??My curiousity went out of control.I tried to ask but to all my questions , all she gave was one big blank stare.Still silent.No mater what i ask.Her answer standard.

Total Silence...(Maybe she is like female Gazini who instantly forgots what she hears and sees.Maybe i shoud give her my photo with my name and biography written on back of it)

I wondered if she is mega intelligent or just not able to understand what iam speaking after all i,myself dont understand my hindi., maybe she didnt understand even a bit..She was pretty.i thought even for me ,like SRK and Mishraji ,guitars wound be played.Maybe Ashish wud play them but what did i find Ashish doing.Yes., You guessed right.He was on Round 25 at buffet table.She is beautful and silent.Maybe this is due to Bhopal Gas tragedy and this poor girl is still in state of shock that she till date didnt utter a single word or reacted to anyones words.So filimy.


Phew.three days ended more quickly .I came back to my place.I donno whats happened later .I dont kow if Goddess Ujala gave her permission to Mishra for building her temple like the ones built for simran,jayalalitha,amitabh bachan or she demanded a bigger one.I donno if Ashish went back to his branch or still going on Rounds at buffet.I donno if Bhopali girl is suffering from Gazini syndrome or shock effects of Bhopal gas tragedy 1984...i wonder what happened afer i left the place............some mysteries do thrive in ignorace.didnt someone say that Ignorance is Bliss .I stand by it .

Happy dusherra folks

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