NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE (NDE)

(Dedicated to my “Older-Self”  which I gave up as snake sheds its skin)

I want to ask one question. How many thought over their deaths especially when in prime of their lives. Not to those who crossed 50 or in 80s . When drowned in zest of full life how will life become if that person comes to know that he will die soon? People say when death stares at you, entire life flashes by! How many can take death calmly. People of Socrates or closer home, Bhagat singh happily embraced death in full awareness. Here iam talking about aam admi.

Topic of death or dying is taboo in our societies. Always hoping it’s the other person who will die. Deep down we feel we are eternal though we know it’s otherwise. Death is great equalizer. Very Democratic and Impartial . Rich or poor! Healthy or sick! Indian or Pakistani.! Celebrity or Cheap chap!!  Ultimately everyone has to take one way ticket to grave. No one is spared. Everyone wants to go heaven but ironically no one prefers to die.

I was strong and Able . Agile as reed and strong willed as stone! Fountain of unending reservoirs of energy, Love and zest for life n unconquerable spirit. Like anyone else even I thought iam immortal and will live forever until one fine day, I just collapsed. Without going into finer details like whys and how n where when etc, lemme come to post event. I collapsed and in between for few moments I opened my eyes and I remember seeing chopper rotors above me as my ears catch Chop chop sound of those rotors. That’s the last memory. When I opened my eyes I found myself really fresh as if I woke from deep blissful sleep and I find multiple tubes passing through nerves; oxygen tube, IV drip, and other medical tech . Suddenly I see nurses getting ecstatic, everyone calling my name. (I was thoughtless to wonder why they were screaming). They shoot questions in frenzy, do you know where iam ?, how I came? etc etc .( They were ecstatic as I was back from dead in their opinion)

 I didn’t remember anything.  Absolutely anything!

 Friendly nurses, colleagues, friends say that I was in coma for last 2-3 days and I was almost dead and its sheer miracle that iam alive. “Its second chance God has given”.etc etc unending verbiage .

I wasnt either grateful nor thankful as I was yet to comprehend what’s happening or going on. I was just too numb. No feelings at all. No Emotions. Just utterly dazed. Too much steroids made my mental faculties incapable and hopelessly confused. There was total time lapse and judgmental loss.

 I could notice there was massive psychological shift within me. I was no longer my older self. What all education/opinions/views collected over a period of time got totally erased. All good and bad in my mind got wiped out. I was like, back to factory settings. Back to basic primitive features iam born with. Almost like I reversed evolutionary process and I am back to caveman mental standards. Physically I am totally reduced to bone but that I knew could be regained. But I was surprised how my mind functioned. All my ideals vanished. All ideals and hobbies just vanished.( I am incurable bibliophile but post hospital, I completely stopped reading for an year). I was hyper cheerful and very friendly but later I became snob and crude with incontrollable temper (all loved ones suffered bcoz of this, but again, I don’t regret it)

This really set me wondering. Maybe this is what might happens when u die. Your entire data would be wiped out from ur soul. Maybe or may not be.

I remembered one video I saw some time ago. A muslim man falls into tiger enclosure in delhi. (You tube it, iam not gonna paste the link.)  And tiger corners him and what he does is heart breaking. He keeps pleading and begging tiger to spare him. He keeps offering namastes in sorrowful manner.  What follows was that tiger holds him by neck and takes him over. Wondered what could have gone through him. His entire mind must have gone blank..zero…zilch... He must have lost everything. Given up hope ! forgotten his own religion (he was doing Namaste to tiger), probably even he must have forgotten his gender. He was reduced to mere what we can say “Life..piece of life!!” . Not male or female or rich or poor or hindu or muslim etc) all his borrowed identities must have got erased. Only his LIFE existed and that too under threat , soon to get blown off.

Well coming back to my NDE, Its been exactly an year since this event happened. It’s almost like yesterday.. My uncontrollable blazing red rage came down back to normal. Can’t say iam as agile and strong as I was. Certainly there was fundamental shift deep in me. I can’t say I am the same person again. Like seed breaks earth to sprout , a new personality broke out from my older self. Somehow i am not able to bring myself to read any fiction genre anymore. Somehow I am rooted to Reality more , that fiction pales intensely in comparison to Reality. My moral compass has become more flexible and I became more relaxed devoid of baggage of memory or morals. Iam no longer able to play superfluous roles society created for mankind. I find it silly and artificial.

Looking back I don’t claim iam lucky or iam I happy or sad that I am alive ( as most of my dreams are fulfilled and i became incapable to look back) . But it definitely gave me a perspective and a sneak peek into deep life and myself.. I got sense of my mortality and consequently Identities and bonding got loosened ..sticky identities we so fanatically tend to carry on.  And funnily knee ache (remnant of delhi minor accident) that I bore for last 3 years mysteriously healed and it reminded me of prediction I laughed at by some amateur astrologer 4 years ago who said I wud touch death and return.

Well iam writing this blog as reminder lest it escapes my already loosened memory ….!!!!!