Girl from Havana

 Spoiler: I know no girl from Havana nor can even locate it on map. The title origin came from instance where I typed a person name & it was autocorrected into Havana. During such one off conversation or from that very conversation I happen to develop some interesting insights into my own current conundrum & general human tendencies.

First two scenarios about two primary characters or themes "Beauty & Brains". It's isn't that either character ve both in abundance but mostly known for it.

Girl from Havana is girl of jio tower height, white as omlette & colorful as Asian paints. Frankly I never observed her closely but few micro second glance here & there. But she is quite (just) attractive , scintillating at speech all while knowing the impact her presence causes at same time born in certain culture, time & circumstances makes her wary of surroundings as well hence restricting her reaction mostly to mental hurricane of abuses against uninvited catcalls or unsolicited attention. Maybe she might be involved in silent murders but who knows 🤷🤔..just kidding...

On Other extreme is me who is undergoing certain metamorphosis while penning this post. As far as I remember, I was reading on certain genre since childhood which is now trade I practice n now is my bread n butter. With tons of literature & case studies under your belt, chances of taking calculated decisions courageously are quite high while in general people play it safe or aim status quo. Offlate I had realization that my life (or life in general) is frighteningly short & sands of time in clock is filtering away. I ve no time to play safe or live small. No time to be diplomatic in communication. Iam what iam. Unapologetically Me. As long as iam not doing anything illegal & criminal, I will take on the consequences . I don't say I live dangerously. But judiciously keeping away all things unnecessary like futurless relationships, unwanted friendships, shallow acquaintance, useless pursuits. No more I read everything that I come across..it's specific genre (now only two genres Infact). I no longer aim long life but deep life. Life of intensity & depth.

Suddenly I realize, more I live my own life, world starts prodding & provking you. I stopped socializing & kept aloof. Crowds always make me nervous & fake smiles, pampering other ego a herculean task. I no longer want to live artificially shallow, rather choose consciously to live authentically with integrity. Now my silence & non-involvment is taken as arrogance & conceit. I just let people believe so. They started coming with conclusion from what is ever available at first thought. This guy is arrogant coz of intellectual domination & informational warehouse he possessed. Some call it confidence, over confidence & arrogance.


Just coz you are blessed with some thing extra doest make you any talented or happier than any person. (Except in chosen field). Kishire Kumar is versatile singer but failed in all 4-marriages. His advantage is that his passion & talent aligned with his say job. And the work place is place where you spend most of your life.

Now in both cases , I realized greatest blessings or gift has become burden & baggage at times. In this process of not to send wrong signals (of being conceited or showoff) I try to keep aloof or tend to become silence or just mind own business...Often even this , would be construed as sheer arrogance or vanity. After a point, sarcastic remarks would follow, jokes with negative undertones will be cracked. If I remain silent, again iam.branded as jackass & if I react, now accusation is confirmed. Catch 22 situation. More often toxic moods in me due to all these make.me more bitter & angry. Now its cyclical.

 

Truth is always spoken in jest. Most of sarcasticnegative comments we hear as joke is actually true. Recently I realized If everyone waiting to see mr fail or fall down.Typical case of shedenfreude. I accept iam no team player & prefer to be solo operative. When Girl from Havana mentioned how world perceived her as arrogant or she is kinda loner despite of world at her beck& call, I exactly understood what she is trying to convey. People around her milling rumors overtime , crediting her work More to looks then her handwork, waiting to watch her fail with glee...I kinda felt Yo, I understand!!!

I will not be surprised if someone says this blog itself a action out of hubris & conceited. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's introspection where I don't want to be modest & play safe by pushing inner feelings under carpet. Who cares. Anyways I ve tons of flaws. This one adds to some foot

Now I wonder if iam imagining all these or mind working over time in wilderness or seeing shadows where there is no light. Whatever , I just hope to maintain my sanity, equanimity & ignore worlds taunts.

Girl from Havana

Wangmo Dorge

 Hygge”, which is a Danish word. Hygge is when you are at your home, under a blanket sipping your favourite beverage, talking to your best friends and family members as a storm rages outside. Hygge is about the coziness of your soul.

Well, she is no Hygge. She is more than that. She is blend of supergirl, miss universe & Lara croft .Coy & Cute. Ferocious & Fantastic. Warrior & Princess. Amazing personality that literally made me gape with awe& wonder. 

I always value good conversation, magical moments, heart touching actions, exciting gossip, inspiring interactions. And above all, a good human. She is all & much much more. You will be remembered for all eons to come

. MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY

Ps: Wangmo means strong. Dorge means Thunder in Tibetan Buddhist folklore

Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness or simply YOU..the sweetheart of solace

🌹🦀

Hate to see myself replaced 

My schoolmate whom I met after 20 yrs once told me that I was very argumentative as kid. Anytime in debate or discussion, i would pull down all facts figures logic etc for superior intellectual domination. Yet not once , I argued with auntyji. Not once I ever pointed she was wrong. Despite knowing I kept my silence. I think i just didnt have heart to see her in losing position or where I disprove her. Moreover what am I getting out of it..Nothing!!. let her take victory . Her happiness is mine. Moreover I value her more than my irrelevant ego. So I keep my silence 

We always imagine bad luck comes like truck to run you over. But at times it comes like vapor yet it's consequences vaporize you. Karma need not always come as sledgehammer and smash your head...at times, it comes in soft manner where u end up saying stupid things u didn't mean or slip over toothpaste & end up smashing ur own brains...🤷🏾‍♂️

Being with aunty or being at this phase of life unveiled many secrets of life. I realized I never loved anyone till aunty stepped in. Maybe it's my comfortness or her constant verbiage & verbose that made me addicted to her. I loved our daily conversations where I opened n spoke my heart which is rare, considering iam always closed & shut personality. I loved her grit& way she handled her life. Somewhere I felt secure under feathers like mother hen for I never ambitious nor sought anything in world. But once she came in life, I changed. I wanted best for her & her world. (She came with package like samosa..3 points).

Unknowingly I was totally consumed by phenomena called Auntyji. 

I was never domesticated tame guy. Always wild & unconventional. But for the first time, I toyed with idea of marriage..maybe she is 1 whom 1 can grow old with,. Wake up to.see the same face every morning ..I know.many would be shell shocked. But I did think. Once that idea rooted in mind, I started imagining all hypothetical situations that would emerge from that decision and  my response. Being March-Born, iam always hyper imaginative. What if she kicks me out of her home, then what?, how would my sisters react? How should I divide my time between  office, Delhi & my native place. What about my old parents. What about properties, financial..my job/her job...future... etx etc etc...all while such thoughts were entertained....Karma hits in..either to provoke or obliterate...whatever & however the situation went, things went south & everything collapsed 

Here's a cute incident with her. Once On a call, she spoke for more than a hour, non stop, all alone,...only after hour she realised I haven't uttered a word & asks why iam so silent. "If u only allow me sweetie, if u allow me, then I can say something was my reply...haha

Will I find another such, I don't know nor iam interested...let Fate take its own course...I don't care..once again, I float in galaxy n let nature take its own course.....Why am I quiet or never share deepest details of my life?. Iam never sure. Never confident. Fickle & never trusting myself. I have no clue what my next move is. I always go with flow...

...

2020: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

 

The year that was:

        Though era of corona has ushered all negative fall out, for me not all was negative. There was some good, bad and ugly. Here are few interesting takeaways. While there was global gloom & Depression doom all over, I hardly felt anything. Be it claustrophobia or depression due to lockdown and lack of social interactions. Well, that’s my daily lifestyle for decades. On contrary, Lockdown gave opportunity to sleep peacefully, read in tons,

 

THE GOOD!

        When corona struck , no news that came was good news. Economies tumbled, jobs lost, lives snuffed away, migrants crisis…all while working alone in office with most of staff doing WFH. (since I live in same building as office, I was attending it everyday). Somewhere in this time of boredom & monotony & era of corona, 1^st half of year spent in devouring books voraciously while second half entered the cupid.

Obsessive Bibilophile

        While entire world shifted to online platform and Netflix/Amazon Prime became way to kill time for most, I took to AmazonKindle. I roughly must have read more than 100 books this year (Amazon Kindle says I read 164 books. Though I doubt It or , it must have taken account of all comics and other small books of no relevance. However I definitely read 35+ big books. More on those books in other blog. Like Osho says " For me , Books are love affair". I concur. Btw on flip side, spending so much time gazing at screen also increased my eye sight.

Covid & Cupid

Many have different collections & hobbies like travelling new places or collecting things. I dont travel places. i explore people. esp interesting and unique. i always fall in love with people with passion living or striving for their dreams. i love to listen to their stories of adventure and valour. Struggle & victory etc. I always respect interesting interactions, meeting interesting people. In such pursuit, i happen to meet this person.       

 We hit off from very first moment of interaction. I was dazzled by her sheer energy & exuberance. The calls went late in night. Call it initial euphoria or her infectious electrifying engaging conversation. The cackle of her smile, rolling of her eyes, mischievous glint in her eyes. Bible says “ No one has seen tomorrow” , even I wonder what’s tomorrow or fate of this relationship. I don’t know. Considering my eccentricities & her quirkiness, I really don’t know. But nevertheless my journey on this planet definitely was enriched by her presence & interaction. Moreover This is first time I ever meeting an accomplished - hard working-army officer-entrepreneur  and lovely lady. On flip side, hilariously she remembers date & time of every faux pas of mine and arguement. (so stereotypical yet cute)

 

THE BAD

        2020 has only one theme for entire globe : CORONA VIRUS pandemic. No one escaped its wrath. Rich & poor nations, democracies & dictatorial, East & West, believers & atheists, fanatics & liberals, healthy & unhealthy…no one escaped virus onslaught. Work from Home, Lockdown, Sanitizer, Quarantine has become part of daily language while social distancing, masks , hand santisers became part of our bodies for long time to come.

Corona & Conspiracies :

Is Covid virus man made or accidental leap from animal? Did china unleash virus to dominate world? So many conspiracies feeding internet how china is now buying all American companies after they went bust on stockmarket, how Beijing witnessed less virus though its near Wuhan which is birth place of virus. Did china unleash to take over hong Kong as pro-democratic protest are on rise? Or is it do with latest 5g tech? well, so many stories and I am total conspiracy buff.

THE UGLY:

 New place: Sudden relocation brought in intense bitterness as this is my 4th in last 4 years. Despite all auto positive self suggestion, bitterness just didnt want to leave. Disappointment at fate, disagreement (should i say raging anger & loss of trust) with leadership, anger at my own self followed by intense loneliness & psychological divide & distance with my family within me following the relocation ..all bundle of tumultuous emotions giving birth to new life doctrine which i would be henceforth adapting. All positive words of encouragement by colleagues, self image boosting words from near & dear, tons of self talk from self-help books failed to smoothen the balm over my bruised psyche. However i do intend to make new place best & productive to myself. Inshallah..!!

I wonder what 2021 usher in?. To mock Gods, tell your plans. Man proposes, God disposes.....Yet man achieves. i just want to be better person to myself.

Lives before Life

Lives before this Life

I happen to listen to some story on Youtube which speaks on children who happen to remember their past lives with accuracy. There was a Indian girl child who remembered her past life and went on to identify her husband & family from past life. This story was well documented. One or two incidents could be fake.  But internet is inundated with so many that , its hard any longer to discount it. The Abrahamic religions (Judasim/islam/Christainity) speak of one life where as Asian religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism ) are sure of multiple lives dating back to the beginning of life.

I personally met a south African (Vandy) of Indian origin has very interesting tale of his own past life .  Vandy is poet-spiritual gypsy who led hippie life. Dabbling with drugs and substance abuse he travelled across world before resting for few days in Nepal. Here he separated from his group and travelled to India( to die in land of his forefathers as he said). Being broke financially he lived through odd works in ashram where he met an Estonian PLR practitioner . Born as Christian he couldn’t fathom concept of past life till he experienced it. That Estonian took him to past life through hypnosis where he saw he was a bald monk in Uttar Kashi. Even Uttar kashi didn’t ring any bell as he never visited India before. Subsequently in his travels he comes to a valley and old memories beyond current life wakens. He recognizes valley, villages which he discovers it to be Uttar Kashi. Continuing what he left in past life, he joins Art of Living ashram, learns astrology, Ayurveda, yoga. Once his visa expires he goes back to South Africa to lead life of spiritual LSD (laugh, song, Dance). More about him here in this link (http://brahmagyani.blogspot.com/)

With night still young and sleep nowhere in vicinity I know a person whom South african met in Aol Ashram (we all met there) born in months of cusp of Death & Birth sunsign. He claims all his current life tendencies attributed to his past life. On probing further how he could figure it out, PLR (Past life regression) was his reply. I know PLR works to some , doesn’t work to many, and quite a lot fake through claiming themselves as kings or heros of past. None say they were pig or criminal or ordinary person ever. All kings & Knights.

He speaks how PLR took him from Human to animal to back to plant life. How far is it true is not something neither he or me could vouch for. But its interesting to hear.

As he went back to his past even as he was aware of his surroundings during PLR, he could see himself as Buddhist woman from Tibet wearing all warm clothes in a hut. In another life time , he was army general . Though born during war, he was more administrator or back office guy than a combatant. Going deeper he was a painter in kings court showing off his colourful paintings. Much further he was some roman soldier killed by spear. Moving more further he was fish in water and even before that he was small innocuous plant in a Gurujis ashram.

What went from weird to bizarre was the link he made all above stories to current life. In this current life his inclination to Tibetan Buddhist teachings, Painting & spiritual affiliation to Art of Living was linked back to his life  Tibetan woman and plant in ashram (Ashram in past life was of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar as he claims) , voracious appetite to Nazi Germany and World war 2  history continued to extent that he took military machinations like duck to water to get into paramilitary in this life. Born in cusp, his love for life in all kinds & spiritual life contravenes his job of unspiritual deeds. The twain still not met or came in terms with each other.

Did soul carry old tendencies to new Life? Maybe, as he says he never took classes in art nor worked hard in current job or tried to break head to understand spiritual esoteric studies. All came naturally from birth with little or no effort. How far is it true? I have no clue but sounded interesting when I first heard of it.  Hope you enjoyed it..What do you say??

The End ! or The End??

FAIRY TALE CALLED DIPY

A

t start I warn you. Don’t ask me any questions beyond which I already answered in this blog. Because I have no answers. Neither I have questions nor I have answers. Too many questions, inferences, opinions, innuendos, interpretations, feel free to have them but don’t feel free to share with me.

“How shall I define this relationship

That has no beginning or end

That was never there ,yet there

That has no form yet has form

Invisible yet Tangible

Some relations have no beginning or end

Never met, never separated

Never began, never end

Never defined, never understood

Never articulated, never spoken
Never acknowledged , just understood
Silent & Eternal”

This blogpost germinated some time ago as i waited train to arrive as she was leaving for her home town. Was scared that my logical mind kicks in and intellectual domination would erase sweetness of emotion. Which is the usual case with me..i seldom carry memories. Before I forget or rationalize I try to write it down and freeze particular emotion on fine print before it disappears in oceanic sands of time. Maybe I will revisit it though I know I cant feel the same feel once again. This blog may become dry withered write up in my next visit. However lemme regale while I can.

The 1st time i saw: believe me, i was totally frozen

When I first saw you. (i have seen u even before i met you) It was the feel like i have woken from deep rest, some ancient memory woken up in me. I remember calling my brother that day saying “if I don’t meet this girl, this life is of no use, come what may, no matter how many years it would take, iam gonna meet her” Well, finally we indeed met. After all I put my entire heart & soul in searching and finding you at edges of our country. Universe indeed bows to insistent & persistent heart!

C

all it magic! Imagine Perfect Weather, Perfect Day. Gentle cool breeze, everything is perfect.  Such is ambiance I feel when iam with her. Just magical. Not that she is perfect. She has her own shortcomings but I always spent very less time with her before dragon in her could ever completely manifest. Some pal asked why don’t you get hitched with her. Nothing would be more insulting than that act. How can I trap such gentle flower in clutches of institution ? As long she is wild & free she is beautiful. Fix her in particular circumference, its all over. Like stagnant water gets spoiled. She is the most beautiful dream. Reality can be dangerous and dream breaker. I prefer to be in dream than face crushing reality. Its like MF Hussain muse of Madhuri Dixit. Inspiration for creative pursuits. Nothing beyond.  

U r my sin
U r my soul
I hate you
To the core
U r my folk lore
U r my muse
U r rhythm and blues

when i saw her first- I Met for first-My Last meeting

One of the main reasons I take so many of her photos is mere human effort to trap the time, capture the wonderful moments I have with u. But I know time passes away & its impossible to capture the experience I have with u once again. One second I spend with u is eternity itself. One life, beginning to end ,completely finished in a moment. You are beautiful dream. In world I created, you are the finest creation. Though in reality, I doubt it. I dont think we are compatible at all. My crudeness, Ur softness. Ur anger. My silence. Our divergent food habits. My hyper activity. Ur adorable laziness. Etc 

Yet. U r my inspiration. Ur presence inspires me to dream, smile often. Like myself. Ur presence definitely added beauty to my life, sweetness to my soul, make this moment more joyous. Magic has many names. One name I know is You!!

In ur presence, I dont see my cell
In ur conversation, I dont see time
In ur existence, I dont use tinder
In ur company, I dont think of any other

T

he magic of Dipy began 2013. Well, that’s amazing for I tend to forget almost anyone without tinge of nostalgia once ways part. Call it destiny or past lives design, our paths crossed again&again, rekindling my awe of this girl. Don’t call it love. What ignorant term it as Love , I can come with multiple interpretations: Love, Lust, Attraction, Fling, Infatuation, ONS,FWB, thrill of chase etc etc. Sometimes i feel ignorance is bliss Coz You can finish your life within parameters of Date-Mate-Die.

“I understand why my number is not saved in your phone  and I also I understand why we are not connected on fb or WhatsApp or social media. I understand why iam "just a friend" in your conversation about me with your  other friends. I assure that iam not competing against anyone nor I want any special place for I prefer wings than roots.  

 Despite 7 years passed I hardly know what I mean for Dipy. I don’t define what I am to her like she never did with me. Just Be..!!  But again , as mysteriously it began, the magic broke down recently. Just vaporized. Don’t know why or how. Maybe Reality hit me harder and like Neo in film Matrix, I have woken up. Now, I think I will call it end.. The End! ………Or is it ??

League Of Extra ordinary Gentlemen -1

  League Of Extra ordinary Gentlemen -1

I always wondered why we like some people. Is it because we find ourselves in others? Do we find something we like in our life and we see the same  in them? Probably and very much possible. Here are two amazing people whom I happen to meet in AOL ashram  ,so I jam packed them in one part with other Extra ordinary gentlemen (EOG) which being part of next blog. These EOGs impacted my life in one or other way, either in gross or subtle, certainly in positive way which made me experience Life in more joyous richer and deeper way.  Consider these series of EOGs as my effort of appreciation of some lovely people whom I came across on this particular path of my Life. 

Vandy Vandier :

I was just reading this fantastic book world chess champ Garry kraspov  “How life imitates chess”  which is replete of anecdotes from battles on chess board. One particular chess champ “Tigreon Petrosian psychological profile caught my attention as first person who flashed my mind when I read personality of this man is Vandy vandier , not that vandy is chess player but the depth of his personality is similar.

Vandy with monastery boys in nepal

Vandy though South African citizen of Indian origin is more a spiritual gypsy searching deeper meaning of life. Traveling to different spiritual regions, trying to give expression to the inexplicable calling of soul through myriad ways  . His life is full of syncretism and eclecticism.  He is Painter-Philosopher-Poet-Writer-Blogger-Travel enthusiast-Spiritual junkie who dabbled everything including esoteric and forbidden substances. 

There are some people whom u meet who will repel u by mere presence. There are people who will brighten the spirits by mere presence… When you talk with this guy, you will feel as if you know him for ages. Its as if some ancient memory has woken up. Such is his magnetic personality.

Very articulate. Very creative. Very humble. Very mysterious like Sphinx , this Man  has transcended religious identity , who is on verge of spiritual cliff , before he spreads wings to merge into infinity.

His interesting take on life through his eyes can be read on http://brahmagyani.blogspot.in/

Now I wonder, why he stopped writing.

Commercial Break: Ding Dong..

This is the photo taken after tired day at mid night in  irani café on one of  the week days in city of nawabs” Hyderabad”. As you see , three people having whale of time guzzling gallons of irani chai for which hyd is famed for. Please don’t think these three are best of pals though their association goes back to more than dozen years.

Who says you need to have same hobbies, likes and dislikes or for that matter anything in common?. We three have absolutely nothing in common. Only thing that brings us together is we literally suck each others blood. When Garam Dharam (dharmendra) screamed “neech, kamane, kutte “, probably he had we three rogues in mind.

Cheers..Rocko-Jacko-Myself

Trust me,when we three come together , the event is like super eclipse where all three celestial bodies : sun, moon, earth coming together, which is not often. We meet in irani cafes. Pubs is for gals. Coffee days are for lovers. Real hydi man goes to irani café . No matter what ever your social status is. So also as pukka hydis we meet in cafes.

But when it happens, the result is massive explosion of destructive sadistic humour.,Laughter riot and over dose of Dopamine secretions.

Three musketeer’s slogan: “All for one and one for all”

Our slogan : “None for every one and None for anyone”.

We three involve in bitter back biting , cheap gossiping , slandering about each other. but the special part is that all these things get done right on each other faces, relishing every moment of embarrassment other party undergoes. Trust me, these 3 are the guys , every girls mother warned her about.

Rajoe the big Mojo : The poor rich boy , sits literally on crores of wealth but no access to cash

Jacko the loose tongue lafangey : Always in dilemma over on what he should spend his crores

Myself:  told u na, we slander about others , never about self

End of commercial break…ding dong…

Rushdies Rustlings: Part-1

Like  I promised , my dear friends, here’s dollops of more dough on Rowdy Rushdie. Many avatars are there in Rush but before I write more, lemme tell you..Rush is no blue tailed alien species from James Cameron “AVATAR” .Rush is “She” in Brat-like-He-mind-set with She-body set.(Simply put, she is a tom boy)

No matter what you ask , the answer is standard “IDK”..I-D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W. Well, didn’t someone say that Appearances can be deceptive? But on this case, only expression she royally carries is…”..I-D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W.-look . i didn’t know if her name is IDK or she is belongs to same league of Amir khan in gazini or Jason bourne in Bourne’s series ( my fav films) suffering from“ incurable Amnesia” and thus has forgotten her name. maybe somewhere on her body her name is tattooed. For quite a time I thought her name is “IDK” and maybe “IDK” is nick name for something un pronounceable like the following Russian name 

‘Varsonofy Panteleimonovich Krestovozdvizhensky”

She has many avatars. Almost like Ravana, many faces , many facets, many personas juxtaposed . One never knows which is true. 

IDK the sportswoman (When this 5 ft -50kg gal  runs twice the 5 kms and cycle 50 kms(minus 10), you seriously wonder if she is girl or lady version of rajinikanth? )

IDK the funny blogger ( http://randdom-e.blogspot.in )

IDK the humanitarian (check her fb dudes)

IDK the man-eating vegetarian (oops, just joking)

Thus IDK is certainly combination of RDX+ TNT+ NIMHANS+ SPCA ..now that’s certainly mega explosive persona.

Lost in Oblivion

Now for serious stuff., despite of all faults and flaws , she is girl with amazing empathy and astounding raw uncut intelligence. She is capable of making brilliant analysis in real time. Trust me, I was baffled at times and more often than not got intimidated by dazzle of pure grey matter, sometimes even bordering to bruise on my male ego. Throw her dozen disparate dots and see how she sees through wiles by connecting all dots into greater whole. Alas, she is just not in right place to allow her hyper creative imagination give a free run.  There is something more…what I said is stuff for world, some labels struck by world on her.  There is core of hers , albeit unknown,which is real stuff. 

Best part of persona is hidden beneath the depths of her heart. Now, this is what one should experience on their own (can u describe taste of water to someone who never tasted water? So even I cannot describe it in words, experience it at ur own risk). The mystery and esoteric stuff her core is made up of is something that I wonder if even her own pals have felt or not…now  the essence of those secret hidden spaces in her heart is  what makes Rushide unique, wonderful n amazing.